Yesterday evening, two random girls from Lodz phoned me up up to teach me Polish. [Hello, Alice and Monika.] Yes, about three years after everyone else, I now have Skype. But the Linux client doesn’t work properly for me (surprise surprise) so you’ll have to catch me on one of those rare occasions when I’m running Windows or email me in advance to invite me over to the Dark Side so that I can talk to you.

The Windows version works beautifully though. My first tip to anyone who hasn’t yet tried this modern telecommunications marvel is: don’t leave it on in “Skype Me” mode with your profile showing or you will immediately be contacted by Central European females who are probably young enough to be your daughter—and as a result you’ll never be permitted to take up a teaching job in the UK.

For some of the people reading this that’s not going to be a very effective deterrent, is it?