You’re watching a movie and Bruce Dern:

Bruce Dern

or Brad Dourif:

Brad Dourif

appears on screen.

What’s your next thought?

  1. “Oh he’s going to turn out to be a sympathetic, mentally stable, all-round mensch of a character.”
  2. “Hey, here’s Uncle B: twenty-four-hour party person and master of benign slapstick!”
  3. “If, some time before the end of this reel, he’s pointing a gun at the male lead, twitching spasmodically, and explaining why the voices from his refrigerator made him do what he did, I won’t be at all surprised.”

Do you think their rellies ever get Bruce or Brad round to babysit? How do the children being babysat feel about this? Is there a special salon somewhere in Hollywood where you can get stalker hair?