It’s time for the Razzies to start presenting an “Orson Welles Award” for film careers that have had the steepest fall from an early peak. [Michael Brooke will be round here in a minute to tell me off for caricaturing Mr Sherry.] Apart from giving film bores a truly interesting challenge (choosing Madonna for Worst Actress every year can’t be that hard), the Orson Welles Award would give a valuable publicity boost to talent in the toilet. For example, I’d like to nominate Sean Young who appeared in what is widely regarded as one of the most influential and well made films of the last thirty years—Blade Runner (1982)—but has since been seen (if that’s the right word) in movies whose titles read like they belong on the cv of Troy McClure. Anyone who keeps a straight face all the way to the end of this list must work in video distribution:
- 1989: Cousins—aka “A Touch of Infidelity”—tagline: “They already have a lot in common. Her husband is sleeping with his wife.”
- 1993: Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me—tagline: “A nympho. Her virgin sister. His psycho ex. Hiding from the cops was the easy part!”
- 1994: Model By Day “Lady X is a woman who works during the day as a model but turns into a fighter for justice at night with the help of her karate master Chang.”
- 1996: Evil Has A Face—“A talented young female police sketch artist uses her abilities to track down an evil child molester.”
- 1999: Motel Blue—tagline: “Check Into The Fantasy. Check Into The Unknown. What Bakes Your Pie? Get A Room”
- 2001: Night Class—aka “Seduced By A Burglar”
Let’s pray that one of her latest, In The Shadow Of The Cobra, extricates itself from the legal problems currently preventing its release. It could finally save her career from ignominy. Then again, there’s always Ghosts Never Sleep.