I know it’s not Friday, but this is too topical and too tempting to resist. You are an air marshal. You have been called to deal with a disruptive passenger on a plane full of British slebs. As you walk down the aisle to sort out the trouble, this is the view that greets you.

Piers Morgan and Jeremy Clarkson

Oh God. It’s Piers Morgan and Jeremy Clarkson. Next to each other.

For the good of everyone on board you know you must act quickly. But you only have one tranquiliser dart remaining! Who do you shoot and why?