I don’t know if anyone from Sky’s legal department is reading this, but I thought I ought to warn you that my darling little sister is preparing proceedings against you because of the problems she’s been having with your domestic phone service.

Please, for your own good, send someone round in a van to fix her installation ASAP. You really, really don’t want to fight her. She’s never lost a case and the losers always wish they’d settled sooner. Worse, she’ll probably invite some of her students along to witness your humiliation.

Clare plans her next action