The growing demand for shock-horror “true-life” stories has, apparently, now raised the going rate for a non-celebrity, sub-tabloid confessional to £10K. [Sorry I’ve lost the link for this factoid, but it’s more plausible than most of the headlines I’ve circled in the photograph above.]

I suspect that the following from Marie Claire is about as true as those “I Found My Dead Husband’s Testicles In His Ex-Mistress’s Freezer” tales, but this is too juicy to ignore:

THE MEN WHO HAVE SEX WITH DOLLS

She’s ‘perfect’ and agrees to whatever her man desires. The only thing is, she’s plastic. We expose the disturbing phenomenon of men who reject real women in favour of silicone.

Sidore is as real to me as a human woman,’ explains Davecat, right, 28, a lab technician from Detroit in the US, as he gazes lovingly at the slim, raven-haired creature beside him. ‘I imagine most people think anyone who loves dolls is a pervert, but I feel normal,’ he says. ‘And with my silicone girlfriend, I’m part of a couple who are infinitely healthier and happier than most couples.’

Davecat paid over £4,000 for his perfect woman, Sidore, an eerily lifelike silicone doll with silky hair, manicured nails and breasts that jiggle realistically. Rather than rely on fate to lead him to his life partner, Davecat had his spouse custom-made by American manufacturer RealDolls, set up by Matt McMullen ten years ago to meet the growing demand for realistic sex dolls.

Of course, just like the other man in the article who spent his redundancy money on his “companion”, I’ve ordered one for myself, but I keep getting messages from the RealDolls company telling me they can’t make the delivery dates we’ve arranged.