Rather upsetting the rest of the World’s view of US justice, a very famous, very rich American is convicted of several crimes. I bet Michael Jackson is thinking about OJ Simpson’s escape and Martha Stewart’s predicament and wishing he’d not “developed” that “skin condition”.

I think we can see the way her appeal will pan out: “celebrity scapegoat from a guv’mint seeking to distance itself from Enrongate”, “manifold procedural errors in the prosecution”, and the cherry will be this quote from one of the jurors:

“Maybe it’s a victory for the little guys who lose money in the market because of these kinds of transactions,”

The speaker is described as “Chappell Hartridge, of the Bronx”—clearly a character from a story in The Onion. That “victory” of yours is looking a lot less convincing now you’ve shot your mouth off, Chappell.