I thought these kinds of things only happened in sitcoms. Returning from work, I find a message from a cheery-sounding woman on my answerphone—names omitted to protect the innocent:

“Hello. This is Doctor [DELETED] from the [DELETED]. A message for [DELETED]. Following the results of tests after your visit we’ve found that you do have a little infection. It’s not a serious one; don’t panic! Could you come along to pick up a prescription for some antibiotics? Thanks. Bye!”

Before anyone reading this gets cheeky, this was a wrong number. Whether it’s using a condom or developing a clinic policy on answerphone messages, someone needs to be a bit more careful in future.