Many column inches have been devoted to the latent homosexuality of football, from communal baths to post-goalscoring kissing. I am skeptical. In England, the game is, like me, boringly straight. I am listening to Radio Five Live—or “Radio Bloke” as it is often mocked. One of the presenters of the England-Croatia match, Alan Green, has just outed a soccer superstar. He complains that Michael Owen is not been as good at “pulling off defenders” as he was, especially when they are “up his backside”. Now I'm off down the pub to stand too close to some other England supporters. So all you normblog refugees who have descended this afternoon can come round and burgle my flat. Annoyingly, your sort would probably steal my books. Well, you would once you'd found your way past the jammed stairwell door. (If you figure it out, can you leave me a Post-It explaining the knack? Thanks.)