[Another oldie, I’m afraid]

I used to work in a corner shop. In my day the 12-year-olds who came in were, of course, little bastards, but they didn’t have sawn-off shotguns. If they had, I’d have been proud to have dealt with them like this:

“CCTV footage revealed the boy burst into the store on 8 May with a scarf around his face and hood over his head.

“He told the shopkeeper, Jasbir Guliani, to fill a black plastic bag with cash.

“Mr Guliani said there was no money in the till and, on instruction to load the bag with cigarettes instead, told the boy he was underage.

“The retailer later offered him sweets and crisps instead. “