I am in a UK airport branch of Dixons. I am trying out the keyboard of an ultra-portable notebook computer to see if it’s large enough for me to touch-type on. An American tourist approaches with his eleven-year-old-looking son. He smirks at his offspring and then says to me: “That’s small enough for you to give one to Mini-Me as well.”

My giant laser beam is trained on the White House. All of the people of the United States will pay for this single individual’s unthinking insolence!