I know it’s not Friday, but this is too topical and too tempting to resist. You are an air marshal. You have been called to deal with a disruptive passenger on a plane full of British slebs. As you walk down the aisle to sort out the trouble, this is the view that greets you.
For the good of everyone on board you know you must act quickly. But you only have one tranquiliser dart remaining! Who do you shoot and why?
I’d shoot myself, then I wouldn’t have to listen to the two twunts wittering on smarmily. Of course they hate each other and have physically fought before (at a UK press awards iirc), so the other option would be to let one knock the other out, and then shoot the one left standing.
Just noticed that was in link you posted, I will go away now.
‘S okay, Chris. You pretty much won the game outright with your first comment.
You could always blow a hole in the nearest window and hope that they both get sucked out Goldfinger style.
But I concede that that’s a bit of a high-risk strategy.
…not least because I’ve just spotted that we’re talking about tranquilliser darts rather than bullets.
Anyway, neither Clarkson nor Morgan would fit through a plane window, so it was a pretty forlorn hope to begin with.
Following your links, I particularly liked this witty Clarksonism (on MSN):
“Jeremy has even managed to whip up protests on the other side of the Atlantic with comments in his column in The Sun about America’s treatment of the victims of Hurricane Katrina. He said that: “Most Americans barely have the brains to walk on their back legs,” and went on to claim that starving black people in New Orleans were being shot by helicopter gunships rather than being rescued.”
One word: Snakes.
I was going to offer my two cents worth till I saw Peter Briffa’s devastating post. Fantastic.
Ditto. Release the muthaf*kkin snakes, bro.
Piers because hes dull and boring
Morgan. Hes an arse and printed mean things about Clarkson.
Specifically he is supposed to have published a photograph of Clarkson in what was alleged to be “a compromising position” with a woman other than his wife. Exposing newspaper buyers to that kind of image could be described as terrorising a civilian population.
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I’d have thought that the pilot would be the obvious choice, for the benefit on mankind.
I realise why he offends people, but I like Clarkson. We need more like him.
Well the tranquiliser dart would have to be used on David G for that comment.
Then I’d have to take that champagne glass from Clarkson, smash it over his big stupid head, and use the remaining shards to hack a bloody great hole in his throat. Maybe gouge his eyes out first.
Yes, Morgan is a bit of a cunt, but he’s really not in the same league.
club em bof to dathe wiht a blont isnramant! cnuts! bofth of am! unmistakeble.
woh are they btw? they look birtesh teh poor lumbarign brutes.
Ok, firstly; who is the freak commenting in “text speak”? We only want properly spelt, well structured english grammar on this site please!
Secondly; I like Clarkson (even though he slags off TVRs) and I have no idea who the other chap is so shoot him with the dart.
I believe that Piers Morgan should be shot.
Piers Morgan is a jerk for trying to pull Clarkson’s popularity down because he is jelous. Everyone hates Piers and it would be a big help to mankind to get rid of these sh@t stirrirs and gossipers.
Clarkson should not be accused of adultary everytime he is seen taking to a female. I think that all editors should take a good look at their stories and think about the embarrisment these false accusations cause for Clarkson’s family and the BBC.
Enouth Said!
MORGAN. *shoots him dead* Bah, I hate that man lol.
Lordy, what a situation. If only I could get the two in line, I might be able to critically injure both at the same time, although I might be so eager to shoot I would miss in the excitement of it all.
Although, saying that, it would be difficult to miss a target as large as their heads.
shoot clarkson he’s an arrogant tosser
Piers Morgan needs to die………
I can not believe his charity on Celebrity apprentice is Soldiers. Especially sense he was FIRED from his job for printing FAKE photo’s about Soldiers abusing Iraqis.
The other bloke i don’t know about so i say shoot clarkson with the dart and throw Morgan out the door. Win win situation if you ask me.
Seriously someone needs to beat the living Sh#T out of Morgan.. Teach him some manners.
That is a poser! What a pair of jerks…
Piers is now interviewing even more stupid slebs on TV at mo…and Clarkson? He should be put in a small garage and forced to inhale his own carbon footprint.
Clarkson rules! I have never seen a better tv-show about cars. Piers is a person I dont really see as a personality to spend any energy on. To me it seems that he is a mediawhore. I might be wrong but I´m not.