Dear Uncle Damian

Despite being in a stable long-term relationship, I have become stigmatized as a result of my forthright personality and purely platonic extra-curricular associations with men other than my boyfriend.
In short, all the girls hate me and they think I’m a slag.
I don’t know why I’m writing to you either, since you are part of the problem.

Ostracised of Essex

Dear Ostracised

You are not a slag; you might be a ladette, though.
I suggest that you marry your boyfriend and negotiate a lucrative contract presenting a breakfast radio show for the young people. Not only will all the girls want to be your friend, you will become their role model.

Uncle Damian

P.S. Don’t blame me: everyone thinks I’m gay (but I’m not).