Tony Blair spams me; Stephen Hawking stalks me. I don’t work for the University, but in my two years in Cambridge I have been to the Department for Applied Mathematics and Physics exactly once and was directed to his office by mistake. (He had an Onion story about him on the door.) Yesterday I was at the Centre for Mathematical Studies for the first time in my life and fellow workshop attendees had me sit at the next table to his at lunchtime. Sod off Stephen, haven’t you got a whole universe to make sense of?