As of 23:46 BST, the content aggregator Google News is displaying these words on its front page:

Paris Hilton’s Lost Chihuahua Turns Up—ABC News and 254 other[ news outlets are reporting this story]

This kind of item is being planted by cave-dwelling misogynists in comedy beards in an effort to turn us to the stoning of shameless women. Failing that, at the moment when the dirty bombs go off in synchrony across western Europe’s capitals, we will be reading about the debilitating psittacosis affecting Oprah’s African Grey.