It’s a shame that casualsavant didn’t send me The Metrosexual Guide sooner. The chapter on sex in particular has been a revelation. I understand now, for example, where I went wrong with that Canadian girl who told me she was “really into” Ralph Fiennes:

“Uniforms and situations involving authority figures can be fun, though it’s probably not advisable to show up unexpectedly on your lover’s doorstep dressed as a Nazi.”

I also now appreciate with painfully clear hindsight the book’s warnings against crying afterwards and attempting carpentry before getting dressed again. No, I am not making any of this advice up.