Reading a ‘Blog on the Web is like watching a swan on the water: you have no idea of the furious activity that’s going on under the surface. Within hours of my upgrading this thing, 57 varieties of annoying spamming scum and devious abusive snotbag converged on probing and testing for weaknesses. Every five minutes some virtual alarm or other was blaring away. Give up, boys. Pick on people with unpatched Windows machines sitting unattended in their kitchen.

By the way, hi Benji, or “Harry” as you are currently calling yourself. You can pretend to be whoever you like, you’re not getting in. Your big mistake was trying to flatter me in your fake request-for-admission email: as a rule, if anyone says anything nice about me it’s because they want their computer fixing or because they are up to no good.