One of PooterGeek’s current side projects is The New Uxbridge Encyclopedia Of The Classical World, a vital and relevant guide to what has often been dismissed as a dead discipline, specifically designed to appeal to comprehensive school pupils.

Just like the compilers of the OED, the staff of the NUECW welcome submissions from the general public to keep its contents up-to-date. Below I give some shortened examples of entries in this reference work and, it being a Friday and all, invite you to make your own submissions in the comments.

Or it might just be that this is a bit of a lame post and I’m too busy right now to make this list any longer myself.

Aphrodite: Goddess of big hair

Margaret Thatcher receives a sustificate from the Geek

Asbos: Greek island famous for its community of exiled poets whose most celebrated verses included “You’re Going Home In The Back Of An Ambulance”

Athena: Goddess of kitsch

Ceres: Previously, in Roman mythology, she was goddess of the Earth, but now, as “World Ceres”, she is goddess of American sporting parochialism.

Chthonic: Gesundheit!

Diana The Muntress: To men of a certain age who have sat next to her at dinner and watched her flutter her lashes attentively at them, she is a legendary beauty, but to others she appears as a dippy posh bint with too much eyeliner and fatally bad taste in boyfriends.

Homeric Odyssey: Epic search for doughnuts

Mars: God of confectionery, attended to by the high priestess Marianne

Nigella: Domestic Goddess

Romulus and Remus: Famed double-act whose slapstick animal circus was the foundation of the Comedy Store Rome—thanks to their unconventional childhood, told dirtiest version of The Aristocrats ever recorded

Venus: Goddess of tennis

Vesta: Goddess of easy-cook meals

Vulcan: God of logic