Andrew Skudder might be cunning, but Gordon Brown is as cunning as the Fox’s Glacier Mints Professor of Cunning at Cunning University, Scotchland. Who better for him to challenge him for the leadership of the Labour Party than the elected face of conspiracy theory Michael Meacher?

One quick phone call from Brown to George W Bush and men in dark glasses wearing earpieces were paying discreet visits to Left-wing Labour MPs. Before you can say “carefully placed explosive charges” John McDonnell’s campaign is a puddle of molten steel at Ground Zero.