clouds and hills and sheep near Penybont
the middle of nowhere
[click image to enlarge it]

[A dirt track in Wales exactly seventy-five miles from the nearest Starbucks. POOTERGEEK is laden with three cameras, several lens bags, and a tripod. He is trying to open the gate to a field full of sheep by pressing a London Transport Oyster card against the hinge post. A small, smiley LOCAL MAN approaches.]

LOCAL MAN: That’s not going to get you through, young man.

POOTERGEEK: Do they take HSBC VISA?

[The LOCAL MAN shakes his head.]

POOTERGEEK: Bank of Zion?

LOCAL MAN: You have to lift up the catch and pull the bolt back.

POOTERGEEK: [Watching LOCAL MAN open gate for him] Oh, thanks for that. I’m not from round here.

[The LOCAL MAN raises one eyebrow.]

POOTERGEEK: Is there a Tesco Metro™ anywhere nearby?

LOCAL MAN: ?

[POOTERGEEK reaches into one of his bags and pulls out a Welsh phrasebook.]

POOTERGEEK: Pishticuff llandudno boyo richard burton plaid cymru Tesco Metro™?

LOCAL MAN: You’ll have to drive to Abergavenny for one of them.

POOTERGEEK: Oh.

LOCAL MAN: [pointing at POOTERGEEK’s crotch] Are you going to be alright wearing those? They look a bit tight for walking around the hills.