Just back from interrogation by the Labour Party Thought Police—sorry: being interviewed as candidate for the (I was reassured) unwinnable council seat of “Cambridge Market” [big gif].

“Have you ever been convicted of a criminal offence?”


“Are you in arrears with your Council Tax?”


“Have there ever been or are there any County Court judgements pending against you?”


“Is there anything in your personal life which might cause the party embarrassment?”

[Must…resist…temptation…to…say: “I wish.”] “Er, no.”

“Are you prepared to accept the Party whip?”

[Must resist temptation to say: “Has this anything to do with the previous question?”] “Yes.”

“What issue, if any, would you be prepared to resign over?”…

On the way home, I stopped off at KFC (formerly “Kentucky ‘we don’t use unhealthy sounding words any more’ Fried Chicken”). The Cambridge town centre branch resembles the UN canteen (without the looting of course). Strange thing was, amongst all the ethnicities, only the English customers were fat.

I’d better not win this bloody election; they’d be my constituents.