Tony Hadley of Spandau Ballet, Boy George of Culture Club, Kim Wilde of, er, Kim Wilde; the list is far longer than it should be, but the the top of the roll of annoying 80s has-beens competing for a timeshare on another fifteen minutes is the neck-snappingly overrated Morrissey [helpful of them to name his official Website “MorrisseyMusic“], the one who used to wail directionlessly over the striking and original guitar playing of Johnny Marr in an atypically competent indie band called The Smiths.

Morrissey's achievement was to be a hit with the posh boys slumming it as music journalists in that period. Duran Duran flaunted their wealth and were denounced as capitalist pigs. The Smiths' fake poverty set a model for thousands of trustafarians and dim-but-loaded students. It made them heroes—even as Morrissey and Marr did their best to cheat their fellow band members of the spoils of their success.

Morrissey is now “back” in the sense that he has managed to offend some Americans by reportedly wishing death upon their head of state during an interview. The people of the USA must already have been bleeding from the stilletto wound punched by this lyric from his latest album:

“America your head's too big, Because America, Your belly's too big
And I love you, I just wish you'd stay where you is

In America, The land of the free, they said, And of opportunity, In a just and a truthful way
But where the president, Is never black, female or gay, And until that day
You've got nothing to say to me, To help me believe

In America, It brought you the hamburger, Well America you know where, You can shove your hamburger
And don't you wonder, Why in Estonia they say, Hey you, Big fat pig
You fat pig, You fat pig”

Devastating. A nation that has vanquished tyrants (and propped up rather more) quails before the words of a single Englishman. Sadly, I am unable to render here the melody to which this poetry is set. Rest assured that the great man's ear for a harmonically inspired, musically inventive and memorable tune remains as sensitive today as it ever was.

Examining this sample of his works, it's easy to understand why so many have compared Morrissey to Oscar Wilde. It's because they aren't very bright and don't read books.