Lately, the number of unique visitors to PooterGeek has settled into the low hundreds. Unfortunately this increase in traffic necessitates small changes in the previous free-and-easy regime here. As part of this process (of improvement) I would like readers to take a moment to fill out the simple registration form below. All data will be treated in the strictest confidence. Thank you in advance.

  1. What brought you to the PooterGeek site?
    1. link from other 'Blog
    2. recommendation of friend
    3. “mint” “flavoured” “lubricant” “sex” “harness”
    4. the bastard left me claiming he was “in love” with that snooty bitch Olivia
    5. wanted to see if he's turned out to be as much of a washout as everyone says he has since we split up
    6. pretty colours
    7. if I visit here often enough Damian will understand that I love him
  2. Occupation?
    1. bored office worker at desk
    2. bored spouse at home
    3. bored dominatrix shopping for equipment while worthless gimp licks my thigh-length boots through face-mask
    4. policy wonk
    5. vice squad officer looking for naked pictures of Harry Potter
    6. an Imperialist plot to steal Iraqi oil
    7. stalker
  3. How would you describe your political affiliation?
    1. Labour
    2. Conservative
    3. Lib Dem
    4. Right-wing conservative
    5. Left libertarian
    6. Branch Davidian
    7. whatever Damian's is
  4. If you are not connected with Damian Counsell in any way, please go to question 5, otherwise please state the nature of your relationship with the proprietor. (Choose all that apply.)
    1. friend
    2. colleague
    3. concerned parent
    4. therapist
    5. pitying ex-girlfriend
    6. former musical collaborator chasing unpaid debt
    7. stalker
  5. From time to time we may share our database with a limited number of retail partners. Representatives of these solution-providers will come to your house brandishing pre-completed credit agreements. So that we can tailor these unsolicited visits more tightly to your needs, please tick the activities on the following list that interest you.
    1. travelling overseas in a futile effort to avoid facing my problems and in the hope of appearing more interesting to others
    2. buying soon-to-be discarded mail-order fitness aids
    3. reading Kerry/Edwards slash fiction
    4. applying mint-flavoured sex-harness lubricants
    5. anti-American
    6. Morris dancing
    7. incest
  6. Select a password. This must be memorable, difficult to guess, and at least six-characters long.
    1. “password”
    2. “PASSWORD”
    3. “123456”
    4. “654321”
    5. “Susanna”
    6. “TOPSECRET”
    7. “forever”
  7. In case you forget your password, please choose a secret question which only you (or your ex-spouse) will be able to answer
    1. What was your mother's maiden name?
    2. What was the name of your first pet?
    3. At what age did you really lose your virginity?
    4. Did that David Gray album ever actually belong to your sister?
    5. What is the pet name you have given to your penis / How do you euphemistically refer to your breasts?
    6. Who are you really thinking about when you are having sex with your current partner?
    7. What did you do with my rabbit?