Films these days start out being pitched as a high concept—“My script is Ghost meets Titanic in outer space”—and end up being reviewed as a high concept—“James Cameron’s I Loved A Phantom Starship Captain is Ghost meets Titanic in outer space”. It does save you time when a film you haven’t seen is compared to one you have seen and hated, but, these days, like job applicants’ references, the snippets of press reviews on movie posters are often more informative when you read them between the line. Michael Brooke posted a little while back on the power of selective quotation, but, except in his extreme cases, we see through that too. Most of us have learned to note the source of the gushing and think about the words that aren’t on the poster. Here are four releases at the local video shop I won’t be renting any time soon:
- Last Life In The Universe: “Casts as compelling a lovelorn spell as Lost In Translation“—The Big Issue
- King Arthur: “Just about the best battle scenes ever”—News of the World
- Cold Creek Manor: “A Cape Fear-style thriller” [and Battlestar Galactica is a Star Wars-style space opera]—The Independent
- Catwoman: “Halle Berry” [Yes, apart from the title and a picture of the star dressed in her cutaway, spray-on leather outfit these are the only words on the front cover of the DVD.]
I cant wait for the zero gravity clay pot making scene where she yells “I’m on top of the world”.
I avoid any film that examines or comments. Especially if it examines relationships. “Examines the relationship between a father and son in 1970s Itlay.” “Offers a profound comment on the state of contemporary working-class London.” Nothing wrong with films that offer some sort of social comment or analysis, but the ones that do it well do it with a story. When the reviews start by mentioning the film’s meaning, that’s code for “This film has no plot.”
I remember a review in now-defunct Select magazine that said something along the lines of, ‘This film is god-awful and on no account should you see it, but I’ll describe it as a “rip-roaring rollercoaster of a movie” and see if they put it on the poster.’ They did.
‘It’s ‘Jaws’ indoors.’ This was a one-line pitch for some film but I can’t remember which one. Any ideas?
Vera Drake?
Is it ‘Deep Blue Sea’ or the result of watching anything with Chris Tarrant in it?
Query Letters I Love is full of pitches that didn’t make it, including the frankly baffling “The Caretaker”: “The mysterious Caretaker looms over the cemetery manipulating teens into stealing from the graves, angering spirits. Stalked by a real killer, the only way the teens can end their danger is to return what was taken.”
Chris is right, having checked it on imdb.com. But Anthony’s has a certain kooky charm to it.