It’s Friday, so I’m not looking to revive that old argument about the stationery, but I thought you lot might be amused by my two Playboy-related observations of the week.
Firstly I was in an ASDA supermarket the other day and decided to survey their “Back To School” range. Hoping not to be denounced as a “paedo” by a baying crowd of chavs, I discreetly worked my way along the relevant aisle and examined all of the designs with a recognisable image or icon, as opposed to coloured patterns. There were, as far as I could see, three lines on sale [names invented by me]:
- “cheeky monkey”: smiley, tree-climbing cartoon primate embossed on jungle foliage disc, all set on snot-green background
- “pink loveheart”: single, large, cerise motif against monochrome (black?) background
- “funky chicks”: three cool, attractive cartoon women standing with their hands on their hips or in other assertive-looking poses—fully clothed and with a token ethnic-beige character, yes, but with head-to-body ratios that make them older than adolescents and weight-to-height ratios that guarantee that none of them could menstruate
No Playboy bunnies though, so that’s alright then.
And secondly, by coincidence, the BBC Web News’ “interviews with people who have interesting jobs” series features a British Playboy model this week. Her page on their site features an hilariously posed and captioned photograph of her doing chores around her home. My sister used to supplement her limited student income with the sort of catalogue/high-street brand modelling that this woman claims to have started doing, but Clare made a conscious (and probably very expensive in terms of lost lifetime earnings) decision not to get her top off. Her most revealing job was about ten years ago, when she appeared in some fancy underwear in The Mirror, next to a caption that contained about five sentences, three of which were lies. Anyway, you now know where my niece gets her looks from—if not her colour.
You sure it’s your sister, Damian? It’s not you in drag, is it?
You’re lucky you’re not within reach of my little sis, Tim. You’d be on the receiving end of a very unhappy slapping.
Firstly I was in ASDA supermarket the other day and decided to survey their “Back To School” range. Hoping not to be denounced as a “paedo” by a baying crowd of chavs,
Speaking as a parent who generally prefers to shop without my kids in tow (especially when I’m buying them stuff), this is a gauntlet I have to run on a regular basis.
No-one has actually set fire to me in the middle of Toys’R’Us or Mothercare yet, but it can only be a matter of time.
Couldn’t help but notice in Walmart that their clothing brand is, well, go and have guess. Same logos and everything.
Didn’t recognise Michelle Thorne with her clothes on, boom and, if you will, boom. Remember her from Mayfairs of old and she’s still only 26. Not my cup of tea really, prefer my fantasy birds to be a bit more “normal” looking. Seeing her dolled up for the house work, yea right, reminded me of the phone sex woman in ‘Short Cuts’ perfoming whilst doing the ironing and with her husband sat in the chair reading the paper.
While on the subject, Bognor has its very own stunna in the form of Gemma Baker, boobs own by the looks of it.
Remember Channel 4 did that weird documentary in which genuine porn models sang songs about the industry? (And whose idea was that?) Anyway, I was idly flicking channels that evening, and saw a couple of minutes of it, and it truly was a dreadful documentary, so I didn’t watch it (no, really). But I flicked over at one point and caught Michelle Thorne singing, and didn’t flick away again till she’d finished, because, perhaps surprisingly, she’s a bloody good singer.
…”funky chicks”: three cool, attractive cartoon women posed with their hands on their hips or in other assertive-looking poses—fully clothed and with a token ethnic-beige character, yes, but with head-to-body ratios that make them older than adolescents and weight-to-height ratios that guarantee that none of them could menstruate…
Are you by any means talking about ‘Bratz’ characters? I don’t know if you’d recognize them. They are based around dolls that appeal to tweens (as opposed to Barbie who strictly for the 8s and under *duh*). They often get castigated for dressing too sexily but are outselling Barbie because it’s what tweens want. If you are talking about a ‘token’ ethnic character you are hugely mistaken. The lines of dolls are always ethnically diverse, with many mixed race dolls, and cool urban names such as Yasmin, Cade and Nevra.
As for girl’s stationary, I think the Playboy bunny is cute, but I prefer it on clothing rather than a pencil case. My favourite girls stationary they only sell in the U.S., Lisa Frank stuff and it’s pretty innocent.
Definitely not Bratz: I’m down with the kidz enough to know about them; they’re PooterGeek favourites. Besides, the Bratz are hydrocephalitic rather than anorexic.
Besides, the Bratz are hydrocephalitic rather than anorexic.
They also have detachable prosthetic feet, presumably due to an industrial accident in a chinese sweat shop.
My girlfriend has just bought me a pair of Playboy pyjama bottoms (as well as a handbag, shoes and underwear for herself).
What does this mean? I don’t normally wear pyjamas.
Grrr, I accidently deleted what I was going to post by going back from the code verification page.
I was querying Bratz ‘they’re PooterGeek favourites.’ If you don’t already own a Bratz doll (I really, really, really, really doubt you’ve ever even handled one in the plastic flesh, you sad Bratz virgin 😉 ) I urge you to purchase ‘Bratz Punkz Dylan’ as he’s the closest thing to a mini PooterGeek they’ve ever done – and hopefully ever will do, ha ha.
I’m slightly worried that you have a mini PooterGeek, Alynzia. I hope it doesn’t come with pins.
According to Wal-Mart Dylan is a punk “with his own cute, collectible cat, Simon”. Such is the state of contemporary anarchism.
They like things British over there. Not just British though, anything from certain foreign parts is “cool” I guess. Same everywhere really.
Take, er, Clark’s Shoes. Sorry, that should be “Clarks England” in America.
“That’s the trouble, no-one’s proud of being British, these days. They all seem to think foreigners can do everything better.”
Hancock’s Half Hour episode Fred’s Pie Stall broadcast 10-11-1959
For all the Playboy Fans, visit http://www.brand-love.co.uk