If you frequent the eBay auction site you will be familiar with the capitalist haiku that is the eBay feedback message, the window through which users signal to other users their experience of a seller’s or buyer’s reliability. The majority of feedback messages are boilerplate rendered in txt msg English:
Delivrd on time. Goods well pkged. Gr8 eBayer. Top seller. A+
These days, some buyers and sellers use computer programs to automatically fill in the blanks after their transactions have been completed successfully. But even the necessarily rigid frame of this medium—one line of no more than 80 characters—cannot limit the muse of a true gonzo artiste like “mr_bo11ox”:
Good, wholesome, nuggety seller. A+++
SELLA STOOD TALL & PROUD LIKE A BEACON OF HOPE TO THOSE SUFFERING FEAR + DESPAIR
YO SISTA! GET ON THAT TRAIN OF REPENTANCE BEFORE IT LEAVES YO’ STATION! A+ SELLA
Went the distance, now I’m back on my feet—just a man and his will to survive
FAST PAYER. GREAT BAYER. LEO SAYER.
Item never received. Apart from that, perfect transaction.
It was after winning THIS item, that I began regularly self-harming. Good sella.
Sella delivered item himself, arriving in an amazing 40ft motorised tin whelk!
Good item, price etc but BOWEL-SHATTERINGLY SLOW delivery. 6 weeks!
BRING THY CHILDREN UNTO ME AND THEY SHALT BE ‘REPAIRED’ (Derek 4:19)
A++ USA SELLA. However I’m giving a ‘protest neg’ over illegal US-led Iraq war.
“Is this guy a good seller?” IS J-LO A TALENTLESS BAGGY-4RSED WAILING BINT? YES!
BUSTY NAKED LESBIAN WARRIOR VAMPIRE SELLER OF DOOM! TERRIFIC! Ebay needs more!
Remarkably, item took a NEGATIVE AMOUNT OF TIME to arrive.
GREAT supplier of weapons-grade uranium 234. (and dance/house compilation CD’s).
Item parachuted into my yard by Russian fighter jet moments after payment – ACE!
[via The Motley Fool]
Now, that’s comedy. I just choked on my smoothie.