Have you got any hardcore? Y’know: Naomi Does Najaf?

No, sir.

Maybe some stuff with, er, children? Like the Pilger one in the paediatrics wards or that Moore one with the kids flying kites?

I’m afraid not.

I bet you like a bit of amateur, though, dontcha? You must have “The Best of After Hours Indymedia: Moonbats by Moonlight“?

Absolutely not. I think, sir you have come to the wrong place. You have, perhaps, confused us with the London Review Bookshop.

Oh. Right. Well, since I’m here, have you got The Corrs versus Destiny’s Child Naked Lookalike Celebrity Deathmatch Mud Wrestling?

Might have.

The uncut snuff version?

It’ll cost you an extra pony.

No problem.