Dear Mr Hussein
I am Barrister Ife Giza. I represent "Gorgeous" George Galloway, the recently deceased rightful ruler of the People's Republic of Bethnal Green. I write to you in good faith based on information he gave to me in person during a meeting with him in his office in the Houses of Parliament before his unfortunate and fatal fall into the sea off the Canary Islands from his private jet, The Mariam. Although his body is yet to be recovered, legislation in place since the Asian tsunami disaster makes it possible for him officially to be declared dead. As I am sure you are aware, at the time of his demise President Galloway was en route to the United States in an effort to clear his good name. Because he was unable to do so and his defamation by agents of an imperialist regime remains uncorrected, his fear that his estate will lose money to vindictive government officials, Zionist-fascist newspaper publishers, and his estranged
wife widow seems likely to be realised.
Based on this fear therefore, Mr Galloway asked me to seek for a foreign partner who help him to move the total sum of $1 000 000.00 (One Million US Dollars) out of this country. He instructed me to ask you, esteemed sir, as one of his trusted former associates to permit him to deposit this sum temporarily in a nominated bank account, suspiciously empty missile silo, or spider hole of your choice. In return, he wishes you to be credited with tanning oil vouchers to the value of $5 000.00 (Five Thousand US Dollars) which
I he believed would be of great benefit to you in your present circumstances.
As soon as I receive an acknowledgement of the receipt of this message in acceptance of your mutual business proposal we will furnish you with the necessary modalities and disbursement ratio to suit both parties without any confusion. Time is of the essence. If this proposal is acceptable to you kindly respond immediately with your most confidential telephone, fax and cell number and your exclusive bank account particulars so that we can use this information to apply for the release and subsequent transfer of skincare products in your favour.
Thank you in advanced for your anticipated co-operation.
I remain your indefatigable servant
[for and on behalf of the late Emperor Ming of Bow]
P.S. I should take this opportunity to tell you that George was concerned that your "Nigella" model RealDoll™ should survive examination by the guards and sincerely hoped that it would provide you with some comfort in the brief interregnum before your inevitable re-election.
Hehehe! Funny. And far more effective than Paxman’s interview in the wee hours of May 6!
Never realised you were this funny:-)! Nice one,. Keep them coming!
God I wish I’d thought of that. Inspired! I’d be careful though. Litigious bloke is our Galloway.
Gissa job then. They’re making me redundant in a couple of months. I think hacking out one funny column a week for The Observer might be a little easier than trying to divine the molecular secrets of Life.
And I’ll only publish the actionable stuff on PooterGeek.
pooters are for collecting insects u sad bastards
my mummy saw a dinosaur