Kelly Brook is extraordinarily beautiful, but, as anyone who has seen her on TV knows, she’s not going to dazzle you with an informed précis of neo-Kantianism or a layperson’s account of the interesting physical properties of the fullerenes. Because of this you can admire her in the abstract, like the Taj Mahal, say, knowing that if you’d ever met her at a party your eyes would have glazed over about fifteen seconds into your first conversation.

Marvel here as she glows like a screen goddess from the golden age of Hollywood in one of Reuters’ “in pictures” stories. She is pictured opening Harrods’ sale with my brother-in-baldness Billy Zane and proprietor Mo.

Strikingly, the piece describes the best-selling bikini calendar hottie as “British actress Kelly Brook”. Hmm. Naturally I couldn’t resist checking out her CV at the IMDB. There, her breakthrough cinema role is listed as “Beautiful Woman in Painting” in that classic sequel Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo.