In an effort to keep PooterGeek ahead of the rest of the 'Blogging competition I bring you a new feature: “Pooter's Futures”—stories obtained anything up to twelve months in advance using tachyon-based Web time-travel technology. Arafat Kidnapped By Arafat Following his refusal to accept his own resignation as Palestinian leader, Yasser Arafat today took himself […]
Read MoreThis week, Anthony Cox mentioned another view of Saddam's big head-to-head and Mick Hartley put forward another theory about the England football team's. What do they have in common? Scissors, paper, and stone.
Read MoreTraumatised both by France's failure to stop the Iraq war and its soccer team's embarrassing and premature exit from Euro 2004, international footballing legend (and amateur philosopher) Eric Cantona disappeared last weekend. Today, psychiatric nurses from the Centre Hospitalier Sainte Anne in Paris safely removed him from a makeshift underground refuge he had constructed for […]
Read More11 English tourists were robbed last night in the Portuguese capital. One of the party, Londoner Solomon Campbell, 29, said to reporters: “I was sure I'd put it away safely, but, by the time we'd returned to our hotel everything we'd worked so hard for was gone.” Although a Swiss David Bowie impersonator, currently touring […]
Read MoreThey don't drive very well in Portugal, do they?
Read MoreIt was appropriate, given my last post, that I should watch England's alternately dazzling and comical game against Croatia perched next to a pair of extremely knowledgeable American lesbians. They admired “Cole's overlap play” like the girls on the other side of me admired James's torso when he took his shirt off at the end. […]
Read MoreMany column inches have been devoted to the latent homosexuality of football, from communal baths to post-goalscoring kissing. I am skeptical. In England, the game is, like me, boringly straight. I am listening to Radio Five Live—or “Radio Bloke” as it is often mocked. One of the presenters of the England-Croatia match, Alan Green, has […]
Read MoreIn tomorrow's edition, Mark Steyn, The Spectator's token remaining clueful columnist, picks at the rotting corpse of the Saudi Arabian body politic [registration required, no artificial sweeteners, please give your full attention to the safety demonstration]. While I'm telling you what's in tomorrow's papers, Percussionist is going to win the Vodafone Derby tomorrow.
Read MoreI browse Football365, a magnet for poncey, middle-class types like me who watch football twice a year, as well as people who take the game seriously enough to talk crap about it. They have some new shirts for sale in their shop, in time for Euro 2004. This is a good one, and so's this.
Read MoreWhile I’m on the subject of The English Way of doing things, here’s a reflection upon former England cricket captain Nasser Hussain’s retirement. A photo of him playing is captioned “Nasser Hussain: changed England’s culture of defeatism” We wish.
Read MoreIraq’s football (soccer) team has qualified for the Olympics. I fancy their chances, after reading this headline.
Read More“Whoops, I accidentally qualified for the Olympics.”
Read MoreFirst Tiger Woods; now Michelle Wie. She’s was born in Honolulu 14 years ago. She’s 6′ tall. She can hit a golfball 300yds. If she grows up without burning out she’s going to win everything in sight.
Read MoreCricket doesn’t often feature here, but this is too strange a result to ignore. What are the Windies smoking? (It was pretty tough choosing the freakiest sports story to feature here, on a weekend when Villa won 0-4 away and Man U lost 4-1 to Man City.)
Read MoreAh, the Midlands. On the long drive from my sister’s today—thank you for your hospitality Clare and Steve; and for your snot, Maisie—I listened to a strange football commentary. The game was a local derby between the football team of the spiteful little town I grew up in, Tamworth, and that of Burton-on-Trent, just up […]
Read MoreI know as much about rugby union football as I do about crochet, so it was wise of me to listen to the World Cup final on the radio today and have the play described and explained to me. If I’m so ignorant of the game, why did I care enough to tune in? For […]
Read MoreOnce again the Black Man is prevented from competing on an equal footing. The people of Africa are left to clean up before the march of the White Man.
Read MoreWhat next? Female scientists?
Read MoreI have pointed out here before that I am the World’s worst football fan. Appropriately, I “support” the “worst” team in the Premiership. They aren’t simply bad in a finishing-close-to-the-bottom-of-the-table-heavily-in-debt way. They are bad in a chronically-underperforming-and-dull-to-watch-yet-embarrassingly-in-credit way. I only mention this to point out that the day before yesterday (my terrible supporting consists of […]
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