Back On The Blog

PooterGeek is more-or-less back in action now. I’m fairly happy with the layout, but I think I might play around with the colour scheme over the next few days. Your comments on the new design are welcome.

The cartoon pie-chart at the top of this Guardian article sums the whole ‘Blogging scene accurately.

Starbuckled

Maoi took Amber and me out for her graduation dinner last Friday. [Thanks, Maoi!—I’ve been trying to email you, but your destiny.net account is bouncing.] After good food at Light we bustled off to see Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World. The film has such a clumsy title because it is bolted together from two novels in a series of about twenty by Patrick O’Brian, but this doesn’t stop it being thrilling stuff.

There was excellent acting, particularly from the young officers and from Paul Bettany who stole the underrated anachrobuckler A Knight’s Tale a while back. (I have just invented the word “anachrobuckler” to describe a sword-swinging costume drama—“swashbuckler”—that makes no attempt at historical accuracy—“anachronistic”—for example The Princess Bride, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court, and the upcoming Timeline.)

Being based on “the best historical novels ever written*”, Master and Commander is anything but inaccurate. There are several points when you would rather it wasn’t quite so painfully convincing. The special effects are superb and as subtle as anything involving cannonballs and house-high waves can be. I’m not giving anything away by suggesting that high-low culture vultures should enjoy debating which four-letter skipper Russell Crowe‘s Captain Jack owes more to: Kirk or Ahab.

*according the New York Times Review of Books

Rule-Of-Thumb

If ever you are worried about a knotty moral issue, it often helps to check on what the Vatican thinks. I take this as a vote in favour of the American handling of Saddam to date.

Saudi Ambassador A Clone

TinFoilHat emailed to warn me that Zionist scientists, funded by the World Bank and using technology copied from crashed flying saucers, have replaced the Saudi Ambassador to the United States with a clone. He even speaks Yiddish

Saudi ambassador accuses Iraq war opposers of ‘chutzpah’ [Associated Press]

Countries that opposed the US decision to invade Iraq have no right to protest US initiatives restricting reconstruction contracts to allies, the Saudi ambassador to the US said Friday.

“It’s amazing how people who were doing everything possible to derail the success” of the Iraq war now “feel they have the right” to reconstruction contracts, Prince Bandar Bin Sultan said. “It just takes so much chutzpah.”

Innit?

Over at the London News Review there is an aggressively insightful series of articles about Urban English (UE) and popular music.

I liked this bit about date rape advocate and chart-topping dancehall DJ Sean Paul Henriques—“a middle class, mixed-race Jamaican”—toning down his nastiness to appeal to white fashion victims:

It would seem that Sean Paul has pitched it just right. Not too aggressively rude to be perceived as threatening, but just rude enough to titillate The Guardian. Perfect.

The author, Keely Fisher, is a lecturer in English at Brasenose College, Oxford.

Ug

Just as in politics the extreme Left and the extreme Right converge, in fashion the extremely cool and the extremely uncool are separated by the thickness of a page of Vogue.

Regulars probably know my dad used to be an English teacher. It is the duty of teachers everywhere to define the “square”. Teachers’ clothes, for example, are there for the kids to react against. My dad did his best to oblige, but his taste for a bargain once made him an unintentional fashion leader. He picked up a pair of strange brown shoes with deep, crenellated beige soles for next-to-nothing at a local mens’ outfitters. Bizarrely, his pupils loved them. It seemed that they somehow conformed perfectly with one of those playground crazes that sweep across schools every other year.

Today, my mother is of an age when some nice comfy shoes like these would make a great Christmas gift. Shame the prices have been elevated to absurd levels by all those photos of supermodels galumphing around in them.

Politics And English Literature

Judith will have a thing or two to say about this one, I’m sure. Here Johann Hari examines the favourite novels of the leaders of the three main political parties in the UK and tries to work out what each choice says about each chooser.

Savouring The News

It’s delicious. As pointed out elsewhere, a perfect time to read Nick Cohen (long-time Left-wing opponent of Saddam’s regime) review Noam Chomsky’s latest rubbish.

Those people cheering and sobbing with joy at Paul Bremer’s news conference and hurling abuse at Saddam on video weren’t Americans; they were Iraqis. I particularly enjoyed the moment when the carping, whining, grudging metropolitan journos on BBC News 24 posted the caption “Saddam Hussein captured; may become “martyr”” just as the first Iraqi historian they interviewed was pointing out that “nothing of the sort would happen” now that “his mouth had been inspected on television like a horse[‘s]”.

It’ll be terrible if Ba’athist interrogation techniques are used to squeeze information about Saddam’s weapons programmes out of him. Check out the first comment to this aforelinked post at Harry’s Place.

It’s never too late to join the anti-fascist party, people, but you better hurry up because we’re drinking the place dry at the moment.

Sharp Eyes

Leasey emailed to make an observation about BBC typos. After noting in passing that BBC News used the word “denies” twice in a row with reference to Maxine Carr and the Soham murder case, she proposed her Typo Theory of Celebrity Doom:

…the girl who plays Hermione went to the Lord of the Rings première and on the photos they call her “Emily Watson”—not “Emma Watson”… …you know you’re on your way out when the BBC can’t even be bothered to make sure your name is right… …that Nicola Kidman woman used to be married to “Tim Cruise“…

Odd fact: My landlord went to school with J K Rowling’s literary agent, Christopher Little.

Thunderbirds Are G-!

I’ve been looking forward to a new, live-action film of the model-and-puppet based Thunderbirds television series for years now. The rumours have flitted around, green lights have been given and then burned out. Finally it seems the movie will, as the Americans say, get a theatrical release in 2004.

The creator of the original “Supermarionation” TV series, Gerry Anderson, is reported to be unhappy about the way the widescreen, human-piloted version has been developing. Although most people, including me, had expected the film to be tongue-in-cheek I’m surprised at the form the humour seems to be taking. It certainly looks like the production is going to be funny, though perhaps not for the reasons either Mr Anderson or I or most of the Thunderbird fanboys had imagined.

I planned to ‘Blog the entertaining online trailers for the film some weeks ago, but I held off until they became available in lots of formats. Now that they are, watch the “Extended Teaser Trailer 2” on this page and witness perhaps the gayest movie preview ever made. There is a priceless cut from Lady Penelope, dressed in pink, greeting the gathered Tracy brethren with the words “Hello, boys”, to the boys themselves retreating into individual hydraulic closets in the wall whence they are whisked off to pilot their enormous, acid-coloured phal—I mean space vehicles—on a mission to save the World. Opposite these pretty, clean-cut American boy-band-alikes in jumpsuits, the villain is, of course, a suspicious-looking middle-aged Englishman: Ben Kingsley as The Hood. According to the plot summaries I’ve seen, The Hood’s goal is to get his hands on their rockets.

Secular Argument

If you listen carefully you can hear the sound of the improbably named M. Stasi dumping a French government-sponsored truckload of excrement onto the vast whirring turbine blades of a Concorde jet engine. (Don’t forget to check out the Beeb’s unfortunate misspelling of “discreet”.)

Men, Women, Children and Multitasking

The day before yesterday I had a long chat with Nick about epidemiology, academic fellowships and the nature of vast bureaucracies (the UN, the European Union, or the Medical Research Council, say ;-).

While we were talking he had to answer the door to carol singers and try to persuade Maryam not to remove all of the household’s saucepans from storage.

Yesterday Judith pointed out, completely independently, that, as a mother, she was sensitive to the irritation mothers cause their telephone correspondents when they alternately exchange paragraphs with their children and sentences with their friends.

Ironically, one of the things Nick and I were discussing was how poorly we men coped with multitasking. Apparently the worst simultaneous translator he’d ever worked with was one of the few males employed in that job at, ahem, a large international organisation based in New York.

I looked in PubMed and did a Web search to see if I could find just one solid piece of evidence for the men-can’t-multitask-well belief (one I have happily propagated myself) and found nothing. Could it just be another one of our cunning ploys for avoiding housework? Or one women devised so that they could continue to talk on their mobiles while running small children over outside the school gates?

Boring Technical Details

Leasey only spotted one mistake this morning! But she didn’t spot my misspelling “Moroccan”. Despite the date, the last PooterGeek entry was mainly written on the evening of the 8th of December.

For those who care about such things, the software that runs this ‘Blog, Movable Type, attaches a time-stamp the first time I save any material to the system. Even if the bulk of an entry’s text was written on the Thursday, if I had noticed something on the preceding Monday and saved a link to the system then, then that’s the date that goes on the final published text. I can and do change the automatic date, for example when I am adding an old pre-Movable Type entry to the archive or when the automated time-stamp is hugely misleading.

UPDATE: When I add to change an entry significantly after its first publication, I mark it with the phrase “UPDATE” in capital letters.

Flurry of Articles

A busy weekend, what with Airport‘s lovely Christmas party and much flitting about London. I had a superb lunch with Sonya at The Triangle restaurant in Crouch End—a Moroccan “fusion” place. I remarked that, even in the daytime it looked like the sort of venue where they knew how to party and this review seems to back up that impression.

On public transport I’ve been reading and thinking about Herman Hesse’s Demian. (Thanks Maoi!) I’m not Oliver Kamm so I’ve been doing this in translation, mind. A review will follow. In the meantime here’s some more ephemeral stuff.

Judith sent me a link to the NYTimes [free registration, blah blah] where they cover women having foot surgery in order to wear sexy shoes.

There’s been a lot of interesting stuff in the last two editions of The Spectator, but I’m not renewing my subscription until they fire Taki. There is a piece claiming that the American version of what happened at Samarra was a gross distortion. Some female Spectator readers have written funny replies to this un-PC article about “lazy women”. Also, as a non-TV watcher I smiled in recognition at this account of the methods of the TV licence Thought Police.

Finally, with thanks again to Judith for the first one, two surreal stories: one serious; one not-so-serious. Even though the transvestite artist in the latter wrote a graphic novel called “Cycle of Violence” it’s nothing to do with the kinds of Israeli-Palestinian relations referred to in the former; it’s about a bicycling serial killer.

This round-up was a bit rushed, I know, so I’m sure Leasey will be emailing about typos in a couple of hours. Do your worst, GrammarGirl.

Why Nerds Are Unpopular

My car-sharing partner on Campus was pretty skeptical when I started enthusing about the article with this title I found on the Web. She isn’t a nerd. I must warn you that it is long and (surprising, given the author) poorly formatted for screen reading, but I think it is full of insights, some I like to think I’ve had already. My apologies in advance for quoting it at length:

So if intelligence in itself is not a factor in popularity, why are smart kids so consistently unpopular? The answer, I think, is that they don’t really want to be popular.

If someone had told me that at the time, I would have laughed at them. Being unpopular in school makes kids miserable, some of them so miserable that they commit suicide. Telling me that I didn’t want to be popular would have seemed like telling someone dying of thirst in a desert that he didn’t want a glass of water. Of course I wanted to be popular.

But in fact I didn’t, not enough. There was something else I wanted more: to be smart. Not simply to do well in school, though that counted for something, but to design beautiful rockets, or to write well, or to understand how to program computers. In general, to make great things.

…school teachers are in much the same position as prison wardens. Wardens’ main concern is to keep the prisoners on the premises. They also need to keep them fed, and as far as possible prevent them from killing one another. Beyond that, they want to have as little to do with the prisoners as possible, so they leave them to create whatever social organization they want. From what I’ve read, the society that the prisoners create is warped, savage, and pervasive, and it is no fun to be at the bottom of it.

In outline, it was the same at the schools I went to. The most important thing was to stay on the premises. While there, the authorities fed you, prevented overt violence, and made some effort to teach you something. But beyond that they didn’t want to have too much to do with the kids. Like prison wardens, the teachers mostly left us to ourselves. And, like prisoners, the culture we created was barbaric.

Why is the real world more hospitable to nerds? It might seem that the answer is simply that it’s populated by adults, who are too mature to pick on one another. But I don’t think this is true. Adults in prison certainly pick on one another. And so, apparently, do society wives; in some parts of Manhattan, life for women sounds like a continuation of high school, with all the same petty intrigues.

I think the important thing about the real world is not that it’s populated by adults, but that it’s very large, and the things you do have real effects. That’s what school, prison, and ladies-who-lunch all lack. The inhabitants of all those worlds are trapped in little bubbles where nothing they do can have more than a local effect. Naturally these societies degenerate into savagery. They have no function for their form to follow.

When the things you do have real effects, it’s no longer enough just to be pleasing. It starts to be important to get the right answers, and that’s where nerds show to advantage. Bill Gates will of course come to mind. Though notoriously lacking in social skills, he gets the right answers, at least as measured in revenue.

As a thirteen year old kid, I didn’t have much more experience of the world than what I saw immediately around me. The warped little world we lived in was, I thought, the world. The world seemed cruel and boring, and I’m not sure which was worse.

Because I didn’t fit into this world, I thought that something must be wrong with me. I didn’t realize that the reason we nerds didn’t fit in was that we were a step ahead. We were already thinking about the kind of things that matter in the real world, instead of spending all our time playing an exacting but mostly pointless game like the others.

We were a bit like an adult would be if he were thrust back into middle school. He wouldn’t know the right clothes to wear, the right music to like, the right slang to use. He’d seem to the kids a complete alien. The thing is, he’d know enough not to care what they thought. We had no such confidence.

A lot of people seem to think it’s good for smart kids to be thrown together with “normal” kids at this stage of their lives. Perhaps. But in at least some cases the reason the nerds don’t fit in actually is that everyone else is crazy. I remember sitting in the audience at a “pep rally” at my high school, watching as the cheerleaders threw an effigy of an opposing player into the audience to be torn to pieces. I felt like an explorer witnessing some bizarre tribal ritual.

Adults can’t avoid seeing that teenage kids are tormented. So why don’t they do something about it? Because they blame it on puberty. The reason kids are so unhappy, adults tell themselves, is that monstrous new chemicals, hormones, are now coursing through their bloodstream and messing up everything. There’s nothing wrong with the system; it’s just inevitable that kids will be miserable at that age.

This idea is so pervasive that even the kids believe it, which probably doesn’t help. Someone who thinks his feet naturally hurt is not going to stop to consider the possibility that he is wearing the wrong size shoes.

I’m suspicious of this theory that thirteen year old kids are intrinsically messed up. If it’s physiological, it should be universal. Are Mongol nomads all nihilists at thirteen? I’ve read a lot of history, and I don’t think I’ve seen a single reference to this supposedly universal fact before the twentieth century. Teenage apprentices in the Renaissance seem to have been cheerful and eager. They got in fights and played tricks on one another of course (Michelangelo had his nose broken by a bully), but they weren’t crazy.

If you have the stamina, here’s the whole thing.

Geopolitics And The English Language

This morning I listened to the increasingly hysterical John Humphrys do his increasingly silly anti-Iraq war thing on the Today programme on Radio 4. After two Iraqi academics had repeatedly told us that the Americans had done “Nothing. Nothing!” for the Iraqi people, John had a rant at the UK diplomatic representative in Baghdad, Jeremy Greenstock, who responded in the measured way we associate with the crusty British establishment. He did sound a little exasperated when, by turns, Humphrys angrily accused him of denying various “facts on the ground” and Greenstock mildly admitted them. [If you have RealPlayer installed, you can listen to the interview from the Today site.]

What’s interesting to me is how JH’s views are beginning to part from upmarket media received opinion. Even other journalists at the Beeb seem to have changed their line lately, to the extent that occasionally they spin news in the US’s favour.

John Humphrys rants here in The Guardian about the decline in standards of English. His piece contains the following clichés:

  • “those were the days”,
  • “a trickle that became a torrent”,
  • “Many battles have been lost, but the war is not yet over”,
  • “guarded day and night”,
  • “hoisting the white flag and surrendering”,
  • “He spoke from the heart and not the head”, and
  • “the evolutionary wheel will have turned full circle”.

Later in his text you can marvel at this redundancy:

“It is powerful and it is potent”

and this clanger:

“He should have had him thrown out of the building on the spot”

. In the same piece Humphrys has the nerve to quote George Orwell‘s Politics and the English Language.

Here’s another extract from that essay, John:

But one can often be in doubt about the effect of a word or a phrase, and one needs rules that one can rely on when instinct fails. I think the following rules will cover most cases:

  1. Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
  2. Never use a long word where a short one will do.
  3. If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
  4. Never use the passive where you can use the active.
  5. Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
  6. Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.

It’s Rule Number One, Johnny boy! Try not to break it again. And if your colleagues are getting you down by suggesting that you might have been wrong on the Great Issue of Our Day, remember: “Many battles have been lost, but the war is not yet over”.

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