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Fashion

Heeling Power

Also thanks to Brian, I read this amusing post about “dressing for success” by the Bellocianly named Penelope Trunk. If that’s the kind of stuff she can’t fit into her upcoming book then it might be one of those rare business publications I might choose to read for pleasure. (The Economist doesn’t count.)

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Pre-Numptial

Close friends of multi-hundred selling music legend Pete McDoherty expressed their concern today at his plans to wed one-nostrilled supermodel and charity campaigner Heather Moss. “I’ve nothing against her personally,” claimed a member of McDoherty’s inner circle, “but Moss has a reputation for marrying a certain kind of man and you can see why a […]

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Confident Against The World In Arms

After all those heterosexual pairings, here’s a homosexual one. I live in the gay capital of the UK and photograph weddings, yet I had to drive to Stratford-upon-Avon to shoot my first civil partnership. Ivan used to design clothes, some of which my sister used to model, and now he is Costume Co-ordinator at the […]

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Honestly, I’m Completely Straight

If you are a middle-aged man then two things are going to happen to your hair soon: it’s going to fall out and it’s going to turn grey. My dad managed to escape both of these until he reached 60 years of age, but everyone accused him (unfairly) of using Grecian 2000, so he didn’t […]

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Hot Wheels In Hot Pants

Sorry it’s been quiet. I’ve been working my way through hundreds of photo scans. Once I’ve finished I’ll be back in action here and on the Wedding Photography Blog. In the meantime I couldn’t help but notice something familiar about one of the snaps I took on the river in Cambridge at Hot Wheels Helena‘s […]

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Fat Isn’t A Feminist Issue

Two special Ks from the Beeb’s Pirates Of The Caribbean 2 première gallery: Kelly—a figure lusted after by many men Keira—a figure aspired to by many women I used to work with a bright, attractive, independent woman. She even maintained her own classic car. (She’s the only female I’ve ever met who owned her own […]

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Dipole Moment

Bloke with blog says more interesting things in one post about pressure group Compass than you would find in all of their Chair Neal Lawson’s newspaper articles to date combined. If you want to sample some of accessible, inclusive, anti-big business Compass’s blue-skies thinking then pop along to their Website and download one of their […]

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Is It The Trousers?

I received some fan mail yesterday from someone telling me how much his attention was grabbed by “PoofterGeek”.

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For England!

While I’m on the subject of real racism, this is a perfect time to bring up again the matter of “rhetorical racism”: the kind of racism some ascribe to those who have the nerve to disagree with them or merely to offend their refined aesthetics. Working class people who put England flags on their cars, […]

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Your Fifteen Minutes Start Now

The blogtacular Grammar Puss sticks it to Sandi Thom, a “politically aware” songstress who keeps it so real that her marketing people have to invent an up-from-the-Net overnight sensation story to give her some street cred. And dontcha love the way the bint confuses fashion statements with actual achievements? Of course she’d rather sing out […]

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Geek Aesthetics

“Hot Wheels” Helena acquired her nickname because, despite being an Advanced Driver who can cadence-brake, control-gear, and turn into skids with the best of them, she used to get about in an ancient Mini Metro Rover 100—and get me about in it when she was my Genome Campus car-sharing partner. She’s ruined the (weak) joke now by […]

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The Last Stand?

A blasted heath on the edge of a backlit forest. Low clouds of mist lap around a natural arena. A figure strides over a hillock into view. It is IAN MCKELLEN. He is wearing a very silly helmet and matching cape. He is in possession of a KNIGHTHOOD and an enormous cheque. IAN MCKELLEN: Patrick! […]

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Young People Today, Eh? Shocking.

I’m in a Brighton musical instrument shop looking for a couple of brackets for my keyboard stand. There’s a teenager sitting slouched at one of the digital pianos in sweats and a baggy jacket. He’s wearing a mesh baseball cap and through it you can see that his buzz-cut hair is dyed a colour Eminem […]

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Dear BBC…

Excuse me for not noticing this before as I don’t have a TV, but I have to say that this is exactly the kind of perversion of the natural order you can expect when you employ one of those Godless homosexuals to write Dr Who: a Doctor who’s prettier than his assistant. UPDATE: And butch […]

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Shiny Thing

Hah! I leave both Grammar Puss and Jack & Hill trailing in my metrosexual wake as I bring you first news of the Purse Brite lighted handbag organizer: 10 Expandable Pockets Perfectly Organize Any Bag Make Switching Bags Easier Includes: Zippered cosmetic bag Lighted compact mirror with 5x magnification Get this entire kit for only […]

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PooterGeek’s In-Depth Oscar Night Analysis

On the one hand, thousands of religious loons want you dead; on the other hand is Padma Lakshmi: Salman “you’d look smug too” Rushdie and Padma Lakshmi Meanwhile, WTF?: Helena “I am hoping the giant spider on my head will distract you from my dress” Bonham Carter [stolen from MSN]

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Ebonexia

I’m glad I don’t have TV and have to witness the emergence of a strange new media species: the unhealthily thin black woman who isn’t the victim of a poor harvest. Beyoncé watches in horror as Cece Sammy and Thandie Newton walk past her on their way to their tantric nutritionist [via Hak]

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Bump’n’Grind

Rock chick? Heavily pregnant? At last an answer to your fashion needs, including something to raise eyebrows down at those pre-natal classes. [via Frank Cheshire]

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Lessons In Pop Culture (Re)learned This Christmas

Clean-cut “youf” operatic quartet G4‘s cover of Radiohead’s Creep is either a crime against music or a post-modern deflation of passive-aggressive indie rock whining. I’m not sure which, but either way I am worried that my sister likes it and that I can’t think of a good reason why she shouldn’t. “Is It Just Me […]

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The Next Next Big Thing

Three months from now clueless articles about “Generation @” will be appearing in British Sunday newspaper supplements. [via Slashdot]

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Top Ten Discontinued Dulux Paint Colours

Burnt Hummer Institutional Magnolia Sambo Warm Placenta Haliborange Coldplay Yellow Kilroy Autumn Phlegm Coelacanth Brown Conrad Black [Despite / because of my being born into a country in the midst of the Biafran War, a conflict in which one weapon was starvation, it was normal in the house I grew up in for us to […]

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Out For The Lads

Do you think couturiers these days carefully measure up the rich and/or famous and then offer them a choice between a garment that, when first worn, will fit perfectly and one that will fall off in a precisely calibrated way in public? [Thank you to my beautiful assistant, Leasey, for this one.]

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Gayer Than The Proverbial Trousers Of That Ilk

I realise a gym in Brighton is probably not the kind of place where you would expect to find, say, The Playboy Channel showing on the TV screens, but yesterday while I was working out the video to the latest Will Young single was on. It’s a Top Gun pastiche that opens with a great […]

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Yet Another Reason Not To Boycott M&S

I think I may be in lust with the non-blonde two of Marks & Spencer’s new womenswear models: Erin O’Connor and Noemie Lenoir. (You’ve got to wonder, though, about about a woman (Erin) who was dumped by Jamie Theakston, rather than dumping him herself.)

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Yet Another Apology

As I’ve mentioned before, I won’t have Net access from home until the end of November and neither will I have a landline. I am now down to 20 minutes of talk time with Orange and they won’t let me upgrade (even temporarily) until the 19th. According to the advertised tariff, every minute I’m on […]

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Unmarried Bliss

I bought a bed (well, two futon-sofas) yesterday. I haven’t put it together yet, but even sleeping on the mattress alone was a huge improvement on sleeping on the floor, where I developed a serious neckache and dreamt, amongst other strange things, about driving Santa’s sleigh—pulled by the usual reindeer, plus a fox. While I […]

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Lest We Forget

Today is Saddam Hussein’s 666th day in captivity. As a mark of my respect for the legal head of the sovereign state of Iraq, currently imprisoned by the quislings of the Imperialists’ puppet regime, I am ‘Blogging this in my underpants.

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Walk Like A Man

Meanwhile, Leasey does her best to keep me from making potentially embarrassing fashion errors. From next month, however, I will be living in Brighton and, if Manolo’s Shoe Blog is anything to go by, preventing me from buying into the Spring 2006 menswear season will be her biggest challenge yet.

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