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Gratuitous Nigella

Possibly The Sweariest Blogpost I’m Ever Going To Link To

Over at my other blog I’ve been writing about touching up women, and summarising what I learned about photographing weddings from watching Armageddon. The latter has proved to be popular with outsiders so I am linking it from here for those who aren’t regulars at The Wedding Photography Blog. I don’t mention it there and […]

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Babes Of Biology: No. 2

Having read an article I wrote reviewing bioinformatics courses in the UK, and despite my honest warnings, Wei applied to be a student on one I once taught on. Because the admissions office at [insert name of educational institution easily obtained by googling] failed to process her paperwork properly she had to make do with […]

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Test Drive The New Volkswagen Pantheon

One of PooterGeek’s current side projects is The New Uxbridge Encyclopedia Of The Classical World, a vital and relevant guide to what has often been dismissed as a dead discipline, specifically designed to appeal to comprehensive school pupils. Just like the compilers of the OED, the staff of the NUECW welcome submissions from the general […]

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Hotline

NIGELLA: But it’s my favourite dress! POOTERGEEK: Never mind, it’s only mayonnaise. Look, let me help you with that zip. NIGELLA: Goodness, your fingers are cold. Here, I’ll warm them for you. POOTERGEEK: That’s very kind, but your hands are full. Hey, don’t turn round. I’d almost got that thing… Oh. I see. Gosh. It […]

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Nigella Lawson: A Clarification

More than once in the past month I have been accused of lacking imagination and/or tending toward the superficial in my feelings for Nigella Lawson. I’d like to take this opportunity of a lull in posting here to put on the record that I fancied her before pretty much everyone. Had I been aware of […]

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Our Lady

I am about to ask Wardy a favour, so naturally I nipped over to his blog to make sure he hadn’t recently lost a limb, been blinded in a freak Hungry Hippos accident, or suffered any other misfortune that might have left him unable to expedite the Very Important Business I would like him to […]

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Serious Breakfast Mistake

Above the usual manufactured outrage headline on the front page of the Daily Mail this morning I read the following smaller banner: He’s quizzed over £350 000 “bribe”. Their home is remortgaged three times in four years. Yet not once, says Tessa Jowell, did she ask her husband: “What the hell is going on, darling?” Crikey. […]

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‘Blogger Chokes To Death On Self-Pity

“Rebound congestion”: it’s another of those bland bits of medical jargon, like “cerebral contusion”, that give no hint of the actual discomfort accompanying their referents. “Rebound congestion”—roll it around your mouth and then imagine waking up from a nightmare of smothering only to find that you really are suffocating and that your last sight on […]

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Rugged Defiance

[HARRISON FORD is dressed in an expensive suit. It is crumpled from his being forced to sit on the floor, tied to a pipe in a stainless steel room full of hi-tech equipment. POOTERGEEK enters. He is wearing a collarless grey jacket and matching trousers and carrying a fluffy white CAT. He is not sure […]

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Her Indoors

Sorry about the thin posting at PooterGeek lately. The crossed keyboards and trousers rampant are flying again over PooterGeek Towers because I am now back in residence, having spent a few days scouting around Brighton for a new place to live, meeting up with collaborators on my next big thing, music making, and generally socialising […]

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Nigella Lawson’s Diary

9 August 2005 visits to PooterGeek: 12—v. good / silent phonecalls to D: 50—poor [caught out once and pretend to be Indian call centre operative; not v. convincing I fear] How much longer can I go on living this lie? To the world I am their Domestic Goddess. To Charles I am his true love, […]

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Bunny How Things Change

There’s a lost-innocence-of-our-children panic piece in the G2 section of yesterday’s Guardian. Rachel Bell asks “what’s going on?” that Playboy-branded stationery and other accessories are number one with little schoolgirls in Britain. The right sort of people are quoted telling us what to think, alongside someone from commerce telling us that the people he represents […]

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Dial 419 For A Transfer

Dear Mr Hussein I am Barrister Ife Giza. I represent “Gorgeous” George Galloway, the recently deceased rightful ruler of the People’s Republic of Bethnal Green. I write to you in good faith based on information he gave to me in person during a meeting with him in his office in the Houses of Parliament before […]

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Suicide Watch

Here’s a couple from booklover Judith. Firstly, the first line of Amazon’s first editorial review of Robert Crais’s thriller Hostage: “Robert Crais is the real thing: a writer who keeps topping himself…” Secondly, she’s found a celebrity chef who just might displace Nigella in my dreams.

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Breaking Science News

The Tomato Genome Sequencing Project is go. You can keep track of the progress of the international team at this site. The tomato lucky enough to have its genetic code read is Solanum lycopersicum var Heinz 1706. Here’s Nigella Lawson’s recipe for tomato salad. There might also be a picture of Nigella cradling her tomatoes […]

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Veg Talk

Despite their claims for its health benefits, I remember it always seemed to be the vegetarians at college that who had the weight problems (either under- or over-) and the interesting skin conditions. The latter could have been caused by all the roll-ups they smoked, I suppose; but one undergraduate female dallied with veganism for […]

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That Time Of The Month Year

Last year I had the unusual and unblogged pleasure of attending a birthday party where the majority of the guests were professional opera singers. It took place in the basement room of a London restaurant. If you try hard you can imagine what the rendition of “Happy Birthday” sounded like. The birthday girl has a […]

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Multiplication

The nerds at Slashdot have been discussing the book Mathematics and Sex by Australian mathematician Clio Cresswell. She was once voted one of the 25 most beautiful people in Australia. For a mathematician she’s pretty fine [large jpg], but for a cookery writer she’s no great shakes. Amongst other gems, the book applies insights gained […]

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A Man Has To Have Standards

Bugger. I have no problem with picking up a copy of Playboy or Penthouse from the newsagent’s, but Good Housekeeping? I could always hide it between the pages of the latest Asian Babes.

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School Leaving Age

Brian notes that Nigella Lawson is dissing British tertiary education. She’s right to do so. And I’d say that even I wasn’t picturing her doing the dissing in sub-fusc. [Blimey, I think that might have been some non-gratuitous Nigella. Am I getting old?

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As If I Care

Hak sent me a link to this article this morning. I can’t think why. [UPDATE: According to my server logs, someone has been directed to PooterGeek having searched Irish Google for “Nigella Lawson in leather catsuit“. He or she has no idea how sorry I am that I am unable to help.]

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Unlikely Pleasures

Just back from Leasey’s where she didn’t have to strap me into the harness to watch a chick flick starring Cher. With my psychosexual make-up, the incantation “Winona Ryder plays a Jewish girl who desperately wants to be Catholic” is more effective in overwhelming artistic judgement than “Halle Berry runs around wearing a leather catsuit […]

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Comfort In The Dark

US media cookery superstar Julia Child died on Friday, aged 91. British media cookery superstar Nigella Lawson is still, to the best of my knowledge, in fine health, however.

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Somewhere To Hang Your Spoons

My recent trifling Hallé Berry item has attracted seven comments so far. Particular attention has been paid to Ms Berry’s “nice rack”. Although it is not completely visible in this picture, Nigella Lawson also has a nice rack. I look forward to its becoming available for purchase.

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Grown-Up Totty For A Dress-Down Friday

Since I can't think of anything worth 'Blogging and Norm's post will guarantee PooterGeek hundreds of hits without my lifting a finger, here is a gratuitous picture of Nigella Lawson. Scott Burgess wasted energy writing something interesting to justify the one on his 'Blog this week. For balance, here's one of George Clooney. George and […]

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