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Headlines

Unfortunate headlines of the day

The BBC News Website has changed its original headline: SARAH PALIN LASHES OBAMA AT FIRST TEA PARTY CONVENTION —bring your houseboy, and let’s party like it’s 1779!—to this one: SARAH PALIN CONDEMNS OBAMA AT FIRST TEA PARTY CONVENTION but, Liz Jones’s latest wibble—search for it if you like; I’m not going to link to it—retains […]

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Those Beige Headlines In Full

TIGER WOODS WINS 2008 US OPEN DESPITE KNEE INJURY CAUSED BY ILLEGAL KARATE ATTACK FROM EVIL MAFIA GOLFER ROCCO MEDIATE. OBTAINS CRUCIAL PAR SCORE ON SUDDEN-DEATH HOLE USING “CRANE KICK” BEFORE COLLAPSING ON THE FINAL GREEN IN AGONY, MUTTERING “I DID IT FOR YOU, ELIN!” LEWIS HAMILTON CLINCHES WORLD F1 DRIVERS’ CHAMPIONSHIP IN HIS MCLAREN, […]

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Future News For November

TRANSYLVANIAN NOBLEMAN FORCED TO ADMIT TO BEING BULLINGDON CLUB MEMBER MISSING FROM INFAMOUS PHOTOGRAPH: “I HAVE A STRICT ‘NO PICTURES’ RULE—AND DO NOT WISH TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH THE BULLINGDON CLUB’S TREATMENT OF WOMEN,” CLAIMS ANONYMOUS COUNT, 577. AFRICA STAGES “HERRING AID” TO HELP NORTHERN EUROPEAN COUNTRIES COPE WITH CREDIT CRUNCH. BJÖRK TO APPEAR AT […]

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Talking Of Bathos…

The front page of the BBC News Website is currently decorated by the headline: JUDE LAW CALLS FOR WORLD CEASEFIRE

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“A new, important, effective way of grieving”

Perhaps you remember this story that I read in a “true life confessions” mag in a waiting room?: MY SISTER’S BRUTAL KILLING INSPIRED MY BUSINESS PLAN It seems that, a couple of years on, a US entrepreneur has had the same idea and the result is a similarly Onion-esque report in Wired. Under the headline: […]

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Signs Of The Times

The “pictures” included a front-page one of the torturer dressed in a pink nurse’s outfit that stopped just above the tops of her black stockings For those of you not up to date with the PooterGeek soap opera, having been made redundant from my first permanent job in science (when the Medical Research Council closed […]

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Future News: Headlines Of 2108

NASA ASTRONAUTS ARRIVE ON CENTAURI IV AND ENCOUNTER POPULATION OF HUMANOIDS SO PRIMITIVE THAT THEY STILL HAVE FACEBOOK ACCOUNTS. PANEL OF HISTORIANS VOTES ON MOST HATED FIGURES OF 21ST CENTURY. SADDAM HUSSEIN, CLONED HITLER, HEATHER MILLS-MCCARTNEY TOP POLL. HUMPHREY LYTTELTON FORCED TO STAND DOWN AS PRESENTER OF I’M SORRY I HAVEN’T A CLUE AFTER EXPOSURE […]

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They Do Things Differently Down South

Thank you to Beardsleys and Counsells for their hospitality and generosity. Oop North, they know how to enjoy themselves, but local children don’t have it as good as my niece and nephew: fattist oppression in action

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The PooterGeek Argus Headline Collection: Hove Special

I admit that I have, in the past, given my readers the impression that the more genteel half of Brighton & Hove is a sleepy, geriatric, upper-middle-class, conservative place. Indeed, one resident commented here: After all the effort I’ve put into making Hove sound like the hipper and more cosmopolitan sista of Brighton, you’re making us sound […]

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Today In Your Super Soaraway Sunday Madeleine

BUY OUR MADDY MEMORIAL NECKLACE, FEATURING A VIAL OF MADELEINE’S MOTHER’S TEARS EXCLUSIVE: SEE THE WALLET PHOTOGRAPH THAT INSPIRED THE ABDUCTION PIRATES‘ KEIRA TELLS OF HOW AGONIZING HER AGONY WOULD BE IF SHE HAD CHILDREN AND HAD ONE TAKEN AWAY FROM HER RING THIS NUMBER TO DISTRACT THE INVESTIGATION DAGO COPS “INCOMPETENT AND XENOPHOBIC” SAYS […]

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Scooped!

Dang. That Skuds beat me to this classic Argus headline: RESTAURANT BOSS SHOCKED AT SIZE OF MARKER PENS PACKAGING

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Scissored Sisters

The official name for the place where I live is “Brighton & Hove”. A friend of mine was recently asked at interview to characterize the difference between Brighton and her non-identical Siamese twin town and came up with something along the lines of Hove being a respectable older aunt and Brighton a wayward younger sister. […]

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See How They Run

Sorry it’s been quiet here. I’ve been busy and ill (again). There’s always The Brighton Argus to cheer me up though. And its front cover story today is about a “masked raider” being identified by his distinctive smell.

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Making A Connection

According to The Times: [DAVID] IRVING ATTACKS AUSTRIA AFTER BAN Surely he knows enough history to have arranged for some of his far-Right friends inside the country to organise a peaceful takeover instead?

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Good Apples

It would be so much easier to dismiss The Guardian if it didn’t employ some excellent writers. Its television critics, for example, are usually more entertaining than the programmes they review. The reason I still buy the paper on Fridays is because the “music” part of the film and music supplement actually covers popular music […]

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Armbiguity

I suspect someone working forThe Argus reads PooterGeek and has just won a bet (s)he made with an officemate yesterday.

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Clash Of The Sky Fairies

At 11:28 BST the top two headlines on UK Google News were: The Daily Mail: THE POPE MUST DIE, SAYS MUSLIM The Guardian: MIXED RESPONSE TO NEW POPE APOLOGY

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Every Cloud

I was sitting in a waiting room yesterday. As always, I couldn’t resist reading one of the women’s reality rags—almost as appealing as discarded copies of the Daily Mail on a Tube train. Real magazine rewarded me for my defying public mockery with this lovely headline, neatly balancing the ghoulishness, shrill optimism, and bathos that […]

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PooterGeek Loves The Argus

This is still a favourite PooterGeek post, and the Argus keeps coming up with more gems, though sadly I don’t always have my camera with me. [click image to enlarge]

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In My Day We Made Our Own Entertainment

Brighton and Hove’s local newspaper is called The Argus. Its staff don’t have much to write about: the football team and its struggle for a stadium, resident micro-celebrity Zoe Ball and her slightly more famous husband Fat Boy Slim. I think I’ve only bought a copy twice. Yesterday was the second time. Why? Because of […]

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Serious Breakfast Mistake

Above the usual manufactured outrage headline on the front page of the Daily Mail this morning I read the following smaller banner: He’s quizzed over £350 000 “bribe”. Their home is remortgaged three times in four years. Yet not once, says Tessa Jowell, did she ask her husband: “What the hell is going on, darling?” Crikey. […]

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