Temper Temper / Pro Tempore

I keep meaning to write something about the response of the liberal Left media to the selection of Sarah Palin as the Republican candidate for Vice President of the United States—there are parallels with the way parts of the Right responded to Bill Clinton’s sexual incontinence—but, as I bring my fingers to the keys, I keep seeing the same shade of red that sometimes washes in front of my eyes when I am in the company of over-educated1 and/or posh people who are nodding at each other admiringly and talking shit. Don’t get me wrong: I love posh people; it’s just that gajillions of air miles, multiple degrees, rooms full of books, and broadband Internet access render certain prejudices inexcusable.

(When the redness descends, I sometimes have to slip away for a moment and sit on the edge of someone’s bath, where I swear like a cabinet maker who’s just put a chisel through the palm of his hand until the World’s colour balance is restored. I’m no longer as much of a fan of Doonesbury as I used to be, but yesterday evening I was actually in my own bathroom when I heard parts of a radio documentary on 4 that seemed to be full of such people: Quentin Blake, for example, sneering at Garry Trudeau’s draftsmanship—hah!—Matthew Parris comparing the apparent irony and sophistication of Doonesbury strips with the usual “big-headed” impression he gets of Americans. BBC Radio 4 should start offering its regular listeners courses of antihypertensives. God knows, with my family history of cardiovascular disease, I can barely afford to listen to the station these days.)

Perhaps I’ll have a go at the Palin thing when I’ve calmed down a little. In the meantime, here are a couple of posts, one from Shuggy and one from Norm that overlap somewhat with what I might try to say.

  1. people schooled beyond their capacity for reason []

Question Time

I’ve just had an email from Yvette Cooper. My first thought was: “Bloody hell, after all these years!” Then I remembered that, since leaving college, I have become a washed-up nobody and she has become a member of the Cabinet with two houses—both of which I am paying for. Not that I’m bitter.

Coincidentally, property was the subject of her Labour Party bacn, entitled: “Because fairness isn’t just a word”. She and her colleagues in the government want to do something to revive the housing market, including helping frustrated first-time buyers in their efforts to buy a depreciating asset with money they don’t have—or “trying to get on the housing ladder” as Yvette puts it. This is going to involve their spending more of my money. You can read the details of the upcoming tinkering here.

After getting a First in PPE from Oxford, Yvette went on to go get a Master’s in Economics from Harvard the LSE. You’d have thought someone might have mentioned to her—or indeed that someone might have mentioned to someone in the government1—that speculative bubbles and Ponzi schemes are fairly easy to identify (especially in markets with a well-characterized history of them) and that a lot of trouble can be saved by intervening in them early on, in this case, for example, by enforcing the laws against fraud properly to prevent reckless lending.

Anyway, is any currently-renting member of the current Cabinet likely to take advantage of this generosity with other people’s money to add a central London one-bedder to his or her property portfolio now? Or have they finally spotted a pattern?

UK house market price trendsCan you guess what it is yet?

  1. Oh yes, people have, repeatedly, for years. Didn’t listen though, did they? I wonder why. []

Marching Across Europe

If you are scared of spiders then please don’t follow this link [requires Flash].

Talking Of Bathos…

The front page of the BBC News Website is currently decorated by the headline:

JUDE LAW CALLS FOR WORLD CEASEFIRE

He Came From Planet Bathos

Some might question my claim to geekhood on the grounds that I have never read Tolkein or Herbert. Frank Herbert’s Dune is frequently described as the best science fiction novel ever. Over the past few weeks I have been reading a little bit more of it every evening before going to sleep. Whatever else it is, Dune is an extraordinary feat of the imagination. Anyone, like me, coming to the book fresh, but familiar with last century’s speculative fiction, will be struck immediately by how influential it was. Half the genre creations produced in the forty years since it was written seem to have stolen ideas from it.

I’m not giving anything away by saying that a population of sand dwellers called the “Fremen” plays a significant part in the plot. I am about half way through and, so far, Herbert has introduced us individually to several proud, hardy warriors who say things like “They have my countenance!”, use insults like “spawn of a lizard!”, and wield both knives fashioned from the teeth of giant sand worms and exotic, mighty names like “Stilgar”, “Jamis”, “Farok”, and “Liet”. Yesterday evening, I was reduced to giggles by the revelation that one of the female Fremen, “Harah”, was previously married to another proud, hardy Fremen warrior who, until he was slain in a duel, went by the name of “Geoff”. I am waiting to find out if his full title was “Geoff, Controller of Credit for the Empire of Toys’R'Us”.

John The Savage and Bela Emerson

This week, I saw John The Savage and Bela Emerson at Komedia.

John The Savage is an experimental post-something-or-other band featuring my friend Richard Brincklow on piano. Don’t be put off by my arty-sounding and vague description. They have tunes and they can play. They groove and they rawk. But they’re also very unusual indeed. Go see them (and their support) when they next hold a Club Savage event at Komedia: 25Sep08.

Bela Emerson is a cellist and one of those solo artists who uses lots of digital loops and pedals to create her own accompaniment, but she does so in a genuinely inventive and musical way. You can watch her in action here, though the piece chosen and the somewhat murky sound don’t do justice to the dynamic and frequency range of the sounds she somehow elicits from the strings, frame, and hardware of her cello. I liked the show so much that I bought both of her CDs.

This reminds me of a blog post I read recently by a musician complaining that no one bought his band’s recordings, at gigs or anywhere else. He claimed that they weren’t crap because they had supported [name band] on tour—which shows a certain naivety about the way support slots to big bands are booked—but foolishly included a link to one of his own band’s recordings.

There’s a reason why they call his kind of talentless, tuneless, hackneyed noisemaking “landfill indie”. It’s the same reason why no one buys his band’s stuff or, indeed, why no one buys empty plastic cartons containing sour milk dregs: people value rarity and quality. Originality, and compositional and performing skill are rare; MP3s and CDs of feeble songs sung badly by middle-class white boys over harshly-processed guitars in bands with “ironic” names are not.

It’s the difference between a warm, witty handwritten letter and another piece of email spam promising to “enlarge your male tool to please all women”. Some musicians are so good at what they do and have so much worth saying that, when they start quietly in a crowded room, people shut up and listen; some musicians are so bad that they have to turn every volume and tone knob to 11 before anyone will pay them a moment’s notice.

Mecha-Streisand Strikes Again

Harry’s Place is down because of a threat of libel action. The Ministry of Truth has the details. This will turn out to be a good thing, because the University and College Union, an organisation whose representatives seem unfamiliar with the way the Internet works, will soon learn the meaning of “The Streisand Effect“.

Good Sports

In the summer of 2006, a particular grim one for British sport, this blog made public the list of new events planned for the 2012 London Olympics. Following the nation’s successes in Beijing, that has been further revised to include the following, again in alphabetical order:

  • 4×4 Hundred-School Run
  • Aussie Baiting
  • Chopper-, Grifter-, Strika-, and Tomahawk-Class Cycling
  • Eton Fives
  • Guyball
  • Jolly Hockey
  • Lewd Behaviour
  • Not Cricket
  • Pistol Shooting At Dawn
  • Post-modern Pentathalon:
    • Roistering,
    • Rogering,
    • Raffishness,
    • Rabble-rousing, and
    • Roguery
  • Private Yachting
  • Quidditch
  • Seated Pole Vault
  • White-Water Cravating

While I’m on the subject, Tim Almond makes a good point here.

Bruce W. Wayne

[WARNING 1: The Dark Knight has been out for long enough now that most of you interested in seeing it should have seen it. To those of you who haven't, know now: spoilery follows.]

[WARNING 2: As usual, I was late to this particular party, so I just wanted to publish this blasted blog post before everything I wanted to say had been said elsewhere---you will appreciate the irony of that admission when you read my punchline---so I've been even less coherent and concise than usual. It takes longer to be brief. If the following thoughts make any sense together then thank V and J who accompanied me to the film and discussed it with me by email.]

Apparently lazy and drunken playboy and son of a wealthy and powerful father uses illegal surveillance techniques, hi-tech weaponry, forced extradition, and torture to fight self-confessed terrorist bomber and his associates. It’s not much of a stretch to take The Dark Knight as a wall-high War On Terror allegory. What’s shocking is that, if you do, you have to accept that a film directed by a young, arty, privately-educated Englishman1 is broadly sympathetic to Bush/Batman. That Cosmo Landesman in The Sunday Times disagrees strongly with this interpretation reinforces my belief, given our previous experience with Landesman. There’s even a scene where hundreds of citizens of Gotham held hostage on a ferry have a vote, the view of their majority is overruled, and it turns out to be for their own good. Director/writer Christopher Nolan himself2 describes what Batman does as a “crusade” and admits that the Bat’s goal at the start of the film is to pass on the job to a legitimate successor, (an “heroic”, “all-American” lawyer). Nolan also describes The Joker as “an enemy who cannot be understood”, the most “frightening form of evil”.

Before looking at this in more detail, I’ll get some surface things out of the way first:

As another (comic-book enthusiast) friend of mine said, “Believe the hype”: Heath Ledger is superb. Even his lip-licking has a sound justification, rather than merely being drama school showing-off. You forget that he is Heath Ledger; Jack Nicholson never let you forget that his Joker was Jack.

Like a lot of recent Hollywood movies, it’s too long and, at times, the dialogue lays out the plot like like a primary school teacher addressing a room full of ADHD sufferers. This might be because reviewers of genre movies in the serious press insist on complaining that a plot is “impenetrable” whenever confronted by anything with more dimensions than a Jon Pilger documentary or geekier than an iPod. Amongst the chatterati, boasting of ignorance of comic books, science fiction, or digital technology serves a similar social signalling function to boasting of ignorance of science.

The special effects set-pieces are stunningly good. I gasped at the audacity of the middle-of-the-day, matter-of-fact destruction of an entire hospital complex, in the same way that I gasped at the scenes of empty, overgrown, sunlit New York in I Am Legend. It had the same kind of “You know this is mostly an illusion, but I’m going to leave the lights on and challenge you to spot the joins, you bastards” defiance about it.

In contrast, even though its makers take care to hide more than they show, the worst of the film’s violence is nasty. Perhaps this is justified by the story and the characters—and the seriousness of the themes tackled. Either way, the censors’ choice of certification was exactly right.

Being the audio geek that I am, having boggled at the soundtrack, I emailed a friend the next day to rave about the extraordinary technical achievements of the sound engineers—if they don’t win an Oscar™ then there’s no justice—and my friend in return sent me a link to this article by someone who knows more about this sort of thing than I do who felt the same way about the same thing. Read his blog post to get a measure of how ambitious the director and the soundtrack’s creators were.

Now to what I hope are less obvious observations:

When presented with a text-book ticking bomb scenario, the “good guys” resort to torture. If the film takes positions on this, they seem to be: “people in power are tempted to torture, especially when they are desperate and frightened”, and “torture doesn’t work because it elicits unreliable information, especially when the torturee is a crazed ideologue”. The practical argument against torture is one of the weakest. It’s like trying to discourage the use of illegal chemicals by claiming that “the drugs don’t work”. The main reason we have to prohibit torture isn’t because people enjoy administering it (though some do); it’s because sometimes it does indeed yield useful information. We should resist its use because, like the use of also-unreliable biological weapons, it’s wrong.

At least twice in the film, The Joker delivers “Gee, Officer Krupke” speeches about his miserable life history right before he does something particularly nasty to the victim-to-be. When he is arrested, however, we discover that he has no past. I’m not sure if that was intentional, but a pointing-and-shouting neocon wouldn’t look any more ridiculous if he claimed that the message here was that the usual apologetics for terrorism are empty.

The Joker repeatedly denies responsibility for the awful consequences of his actions, claiming merely to be “an agent of chaos”. But, from his first appearance, he lies to everybody, especially about not having an agenda or plan. All of his greatest crimes depend upon his own lies and the moral weaknesses of the people of Gotham for their success. He fakes his own death in order to kill his would-be assassins; he dresses hostages as kidnappers in the hope that SWAT team members will execute the captives; in an echo of one of the most infamous scenes from the bloody rule of Saddam Hussein, he invites one group of the condemned to save themselves by killing another. He wants his victims to show themselves to be as bad as he claims they are so that he can say: “It wasn’t me; it was your worst natures to blame. I’m just a crazy boy from a broken home. I didn’t slit the hostage’s throat; you unleashed the darkness when you let the Batman hunt me down.”

Where have we heard that sort of thing before?

I know I am not being original when I say that science fiction movies long ago took over from westerns the job of examining contemporary moral and political questions in a spectacular popular format. 1981’s Outland, by way of famous example, is 1952’s High Noon3 set in space4. I’ve written here before about two other recent science fiction movies that could be interpreted as commentaries on the war in Iraq and the War on Terror: Serenity (itself explicitly modelled on the classic westerns) and The Chronicles of Riddick. To summarize crudely: Serenity attacks the whole idea of well-intentioned intervention in other societies; Riddick says that the only way to defeat a theocratic death cult is through harnessing another kind of evil (and asks, but does not answer, the question: “And what happens when the former followers of that cult find themselves under new leadership?”) As if to complete a set, despite its clearly expressed qualms, the impression The Dark Knight leaves isn’t anti- or ambi-; it seems to be pro-Bush.

In the Wall Street Journal article I linked to above, Andrew Klavan, rants about “Left-wing” films about the War on Terror and points out how unpopular they and their supposed messages of “moral equivalence and … surrender” have been with US movie-goers. I’m going to comment at an angle to Klavan. To state the oft-stated again, all films about the future date the present they were created in, but I suspect that most recent films made directly about Iraq and the War on Terror will date worse and rather more quickly than Serenity, Riddick, and The Dark Knight. None of the latter was subtle at all; each one seemed to take a different position on central moral and political questions; but all of them will turn out to have been more insightful about our current geopolitical dilemmas than their contemporaries that banged on about the ishoos of the day. Why? Because, unlike too many supposedly sophisticated public commentators, these flashy, noisy, and long films were big enough not to look at the second hand to tell us the time.

  1. It’s interesting that Christopher Nolan’s mother is from the US. []
  2. Is it just me or does Nolan bear an unfortunate and undeserved resemblance to Tim-Nice-But-Dim? []
  3. High Noon has been screened more times by US presidents in the White House cinema than any other movie. []
  4. This kind of sentence is one reason why I disagree with The New York Times about the use of the apostrophe after the digits of decades. Imagine if I had typed “1980’s Outland“. []

Men Are From Mars…

Both of these photos are from the same wedding, at the most excellent Barn at Bury Court. I took the first on one side of the venue (with my camera in a transparent shower cap to protect it from the rain) and the second, later, on the other side, when the rain had stopped.

boys with beers hide under golf umbrellas to play giant garden gamesBoys with beers hide under umbrellas to play giant garden games

Girls reach up to catch the bouquet as the bride looks onGirls reach up to catch the bouquet as the bride looks on

Obligatory film photographer sneer: Apparently sports snappers have to change their technique every time a new generation of digital cameras comes out because the shutter lag—the time between your pressing the button and the camera capturing the moment—gets smaller with every improvement in technology. Apparently.

Russia Begins Withdrawal

Following the Russian overhaul of the British Olympic medal tally, Russian President Vladimir Putin Dmitry Medvedev has agreed to pull occupying troops back from South Kensingtonia. The president had argued that the democratically elected, ethnically Lithuanian leader of Londonia, Boris Johnson, had forced his hand through “[Johnson']s encouragement of Britain’s recent atypical sporting aggression”.

The South Kensingtonians, consisting of a mixture of French aristocrats in exile, Arab royalty, and Russian Oligarchs have always had an uneasy relationship with surrounding Londonia. With the recent declaration of independence by Imperial College from Londonia University, and the concomitant acquisition of Imperial’s nuclear technology, tensions were already at a high—especially as the only students who can afford to study at IC are the offspring of overseas finance ministers.

Earlier in the week, a phalanx of urban assault vehicles had rolled into the surrounding regions of Chelski, Fulhistan, and Westminsk in response to the “outrageous provocation” of TeamGB’s performance in Beijing—though they held back from crossing the Thames to enter the undisputed no-man’s land south of the river. It had been some time before the advancing line of 4×4s was recognised as an invasion force because the Russians timed their operations to coincide with the usual hours of the school run.

“At least we’re still ahead of New Zealand.”

One of the sweetest things about beating the Aussies is that they are spectacularly bad losers.

Royal Breeding

King Charles’s brain constricted by tiny skull.

Jewish Comedy Timing

INTERIOR. KITCHEN. JEWISH MEDIA FRIEND L IS PREPARING DINNER FOR POOTERGEEK.

POOTERGEEK: Like I said to [JEWISH WRITER FRIEND C] and [JEWISH WRITER FRIEND J] about [UNFUNNY JEWISH WRITER], being a Jewish writer who isn’t funny is like being black and having no sense of rhythm.

JEWISH MEDIA FRIEND L: Were they offended?

POOTERGEEK: Why should they be?

[PAUSE]

JEWISH MEDIA FRIEND L: Actually, you’re right: I’ve never met a black person without a sense of rhythm.

Why Bebo Sucks

I used to have an account with Bebo. It’s a social networking site. Notice that, unlike say with MySpace or Facebook, I felt the need to explain what Bebo is before blogging about it, in the same way that, unlike say with Paul McCartney or Elton John, I might have to tell even my well-informed readers that Kerry Katona is a pop singer.

I joined Bebo because a friend invited me. My account was deleted a minute ago by an administrator “due to inappropriate content or conduct”. What was my “inappropriate conduct”? About five minutes before my account was shut down, I used Bebo’s push-button abuse reporting system to point out that I had just (for the third time since I joined the site) been porn-spammed. Someone had visited my profile and left the following message:

Val Darden
heyyyy Have you heard of this new site, its like bebo, but WAAAAAAY naughtier! Check it out just copy/paste this link! naughty-girl-cams.com pz

[I've changed one character in the URL to avoid giving the scum any Google juice.] From the response of Bebo, it’s clear that “Val Darden” was, in fact, a well-meaning friend who wanted to share a worthwhile resource with me and not a fake ID created by some half-educated scrote exploiting an army of hijacked Windows PCs to clog up the Web with cack.

Welcome to Bebo: spam bastards welcome; good Netizens not.

(I must admit that, shortly after I joined Bebo, I also used the site to message my friend that she should hop over to Facebook where there was something other than spam going on, but if the admin people barred me for doing that then their privacy problems are more serious than generally known.)

If you’ve arrived here after a search for “Bebo sucks”, please join me in contributing to the site’s inevitable demise by writing your own blogpost slagging it off.

Chuck Off

Writing on his blog today, Damian Counsell, who, if he hadn’t been baptised a Catholic, would be 37 234 933rd in line to the thrones of the Commonwealth realms, warned of the dangers to the planet of Genetically Unmodified heads of state. He pointed out that inbred dynasties are susceptible to hereditary disorders like haemophilia and verbal diarrhoea, and that they had “driven millions of small farmers off their land and claimed it as their own,” adding that he believed that congenital mental disorders suffered by and vast resources consumed by unelected rulers had significantly contributed to many of the wars and famines in human history. In sum, he claimed, royal families were among “biggest disasters environmentally of all time”. He said that constitutional monarchies were a “gigantic experiment with nature and the whole of humanity which had gone seriously wrong”. Pointing at a photograph of the unconvincing combover of a Mr Charles Windsor of Gloucestershire, Counsell concluded: “If that is the future, count me out.

Disturbing Search Of The Moment

I’m kind of afraid to ask why people have been arriving at PooterGeek over the past couple of days as a result of googling for “John Kettley” and “hedgehog”. I realise my publishing this post will now make things worse. Perhaps I should add the phrase “Richard Gere” as well.

Do It For Money

While I’m on subject of recommendations I thought my parents had made to me but they hadn’t, this year I watched The Conversation for the first time. I thought mum and dad had been telling me for years that I should check it out, but, when I was round theirs a few weeks back and thanked them for the tip they said they hadn’t. It’s an excellent, arty, independently made 70s thriller (in which Harrison Ford is shrewdly and atypically cast in a small, but important role).

By coincidence, The Conversation was in a batch of my DVD rentals-by-post around the same time as the 80s comedy Ghostbusters, which I’d seen before at the cinema, but in a matinee screening that turned out to be full of noisy kids. It was even better at a second, closer viewing.

The Conversation is famous for its excellent jazz soundtrack; the pop one of Ghostbusters (apart from its theme song) is one of the few things that lets it down and dates it. Very sensibly, the makers of Ghostbusters resolved to light and to dress the cast in a “classic” way (rather than to print supersaturated colour images of them wearing shoulder pads and rolled-up jacket sleeves); I suspect that the question of who got on the soundtrack was answered at meetings between studio and record company execs.

There are rumours that The Conversation is going to be remade to be released in 2009 and that the “second Ghostbusters sequel” is going to be a video game.

Both original screenplays were written years before funds were available to make them. This had at least two positive results: their creators were able to review them with a fresh eye, and they could make radical revisions with the benefit of experience and the discipline of a budget. Francis Ford Coppola won the Palme D’Or at Cannes for The Conversation, and an Oscar for The Godfather. Astonishingly, he worked on both films in the same year. The Godfather has since become the more celebrated (and seems less dated now), but Coppola hadn’t been interested either in shooting other people’s scripts or in adapting works from other media. As he explains on his commentary for The Conversation, and as has been the case for many great artists creating great works of art, because his American Zoetrope company was in financial difficulty and he had a family to feed, Coppola was forced to do The Godfather for the money.

Similarly, Bill Murray desperately wanted to play a “spiritual seeker” in a film adaptation of W. Somerset Maugham’s The Razor’s Edge, but could only persuade the studio to let him do so if he also starred in Ghostbusters. The movie of The Razor’s Edge was a critical and box office squib; Ghostbusters was a hit with the press and public.

Say What You Like About Joseph Stalin, At Least He Made The Underground Trains Run On Time

It was quiet here last week because I had a lot of things on—to the extent that I had to stop off at the 24-hour Tesco superstore in the small hours of Saturday on the way back from singing at a gig to do my week’s shopping. I’ve read some extreme tales about the goings on in all-night supermarkets, so my pushing a trolley around in dress shirt, silver tie, and stripey loon pants didn’t raise any eyebrows, though a giggling shop assistant did wave a packet of “cock flavoured soup” at me and read out the bit on the back warning that the contents “may contain fish essences” with the words: “That’s made my night, that has.”

Anyway, over the quieter remains of my weekend, I finally got to see the second episode of House of Saddam via the BBC’s iPlayer. If you’ve ever watched the Armstrong and Miller comedy sketch show, you’ve probably caught at least one example of a particular riff they do in which an authority figure addresses a gathering of subordinates or clients in a cheery, encouraging, friendly way—then, after they have left the room, walks across to an intercom and spits a single order in a Bond villain accent: “KILL THEM!”. For example, a record executive jokily congratulates a teen band on their new deal, warns them of the hard work ahead of them in recording their album, shakes them all by the hand, and sends them from his office for champagne at their hotel—before condemning them all to death; in another, a department store Santa Claus orders the execution of a smiling mother-and-daughter in the same way. That’s pretty much what the TV dramatization of the Saddam Hussein story is like all the way through—except it’s not funny. (I’ve not noticed any kite-flying children yet either.)

On the subject of murderous dictators, while I was waiting at a London Underground station earlier in the week, I noticed this poster:

Stalinist London Transport Museum poster

The text reads:
“In the 1930s London Underground advised on the design of Stalin’s Moscow Metro, which is why the magnificent barrel-vaulted halls of Gants Hill station echo its Russian counterparts. Discover more comrades at the new Museum.”

Julian, Ben! Great work on the posters for the transport museum. Looking forward to seeing you both at the reception for the opening of the new exhibition. Thanks again for all your help with the image revamp. Do I remember some of that look from those posters you used to have on your walls in your rooms at Wadham, you scamps? That jolly old Uncle Joe with his comedy ‘tache: liked a bit of that magnificent barrel-vaulted architecture didn’t he, eh? Talent imitates, genius steals, eh? Great job. See you Thursday evening!

[escorts Julian and Ben out, closes glass door of office, and walks over to intercom]

KILL THEM!

I LOVE THE BLACK MUSIC

Recently, I was listening to a Marvin Gaye track via last.fm—is it just me or has their sound quality improved lately?—and I noticed this at the top of its user comments:

I LOVE THE BLACK MUSIC
white person wearing chinos on cruise ship LOVES THE BLACK MUSIC

Which immediately made me think of Stuff White People Like, a blog that’s really about “Stuff That New York Times-Reading Crunchy Granola US Registered Democrats Like“, which is appropriate in the light of this blog post from my showbiz friend Clive Davis about the newly-created blog “Stuff Educated Black People Like” and his getting me into Ronnie Scott’s on Monday.

This was the first time in my life I’d visted Britain’s Most Famous Jazz Club. I’d previously been wary of shelling out to see a gig there because I’d been told it was an overpriced dump. I thought I’d heard this from my dad, but, during our obligatory England cricket captaincy conversation, he said he wasn’t the one who’d warned me off the place. Anyway, Clive explained to me that everything had changed at the venue over the past couple of years, thanks to new management, the smoking ban, and extensive refurbishment.

Having been there, I can say with confidence that Ronnie Scott’s is now anything but a dump. If you can get in to see a good band, then it’s the perfect venue. Imagine someone flying a bunch of virtuosi in from New York and having them play in your living room. I am by no means a jazz buff, but I can bluff jazz: I know a good fraction of the standards from having sung them; I know a good band when I hear one; and, bizarrely, I once even recommended a Brad Mehldau album to Norm that he hadn’t heard of. Both bands I saw with Clive were very good indeed. The sound quality was astounding. Every last note was audible—and there were a lot of notes. It’s such a relief for me to go to a gig of any kind and not have to protect myself from permanent hearing damage with the fancy earplugs I carry around with me everywhere these days.

Then Clive and I stood outside a Soho pub with our girly drinks playing the ethnic version of the Four Yorkshireman game: Clive talked about his older brothers’ various convictions for GBH and I talked about how, when I visited my parents a couple of week back, the four factories at the bottom of the lane where I grew up had almost all been replaced by residential housing.

Clive also admitted that he was going to give up on comments on his blog because of a particular strain of loon that seemed to be attracted to the Spectator site. There’s a lovely example there now, underneath an item about the Conservatives and their plans to reveal new policies to do with “the environment”:

CCTV
August 8th, 2008 8:20pm

The environment is very important, so control Immigration. No other policy has as much effect on green spaces, water supplies, house building, road congestion, or energy demand as Immigration.

Any environmental policy must control Immigration

I love the combination of bloggertarianism (using “CCTV” as a pseudonym), xenophobia, and green ink nuttiness (repeating and capitalizing “Immigration”). I wonder if “CCTV” LOVES THE BLACK MUSIC; probably only if the BLACK people fly here, play it, and then piss off back where they came from—before they “effect the green spaces”.

Hardcore

British luvvies are a rich source of entertainment to me—as long as I am careful to keep my theatre-going to a minimum; it’s the stuff they say in interviews that puts a smile on my face. So many of them talk cobblers. Fortunately, it doesn’t matter because (apart perhaps from the likes of Mackintosh and Lloyd-Webber) they have no power, artistic or otherwise, so you can just laugh.

In today’s Telegraph, for example, under the headline “Pornography: the most shocking play of the Edinburgh Festival?”, “rising star” playwright Simon Stephens explains the thinking behind that work: a play recounting a suicide bomber’s journey from Manchester to the London Underground with a rucksack full of explosives, in deliberate reflection of the journeys made by Britain’s 7/7 bombers from Leeds:

The fictional suicide bomber in the play describes his journey from Manchester,” says Stephens, “but what he never talks about are his religion, American colonialism, al-Qa’eda or politics. All he talks about is the country he is travelling through.”

At the time of the attacks, says Stephens, “people were incredulous that British boys could turn on their own country, and that’s what we remember. But it didn’t surprise me. In fact, it made absolute sense to me. They are not monsters.”

He fleshes out the thesis that developed in his mind, which led him to the title for the play. “I was haunted by what the bombers were going through on that final day. It struck me that at the heart of their action was an alienation from the people they were going to kill and from themselves. This seemed to be symptomatic of a consumerist culture, which objectifies everyone and everything.

And objectification also sits under the production and consumption of pornography. I think we’re living in pornographic times.

It’s obvious, innit? I don’t know about you, but every time I see images of naked people I get so alienated that all I can think of is filling a train carriage full of innocents with nail shrapnel.

Clinical Research Paper Of The Year

Via The Motley Fool, comes this essential abstract from the scholarly journal Digestive Surgery:

Red Hot Chilli Consumption Is Harmful in Patients Operated for Anal Fissure - A Randomized, Double-Blind, Controlled Study

Pravin J. Gupta

Fine Morning Hospital and Research Center, Laxminagar, Nagpur, India

Cliquey Back-Slapping

One of the nicest things about blogging is being able to congratulate other bloggers on (what you believe to be) good blogging, so it’s unfortunate in a way when you are seen as part of a gang because, if you congratulate another supposed gang member, then doing so looks like cliquey back-slapping. Worse, if the objects of your admiration are famous, then name-dropping gets added to the charges. Regulars know I am, however, unforgiving of bad thinking about big issues, even when it comes from people I would otherwise agree with—even when I agree with their conclusions. As far as politics is concerned, this is easy for me because I have been arguing with stupid Lefties for decades. Mr Good Intentions and Mrs Intellectual Rigour aren’t going to be inviting Hello! magazine round any time soon to photograph “the beautiful home where they have lived for many happily married years”.

Anyway, I’ve been meaning to link to Paulie at “Never Trust A Hippy” lately because he’s been throwing a lot of thoughts-in-progress out into his blog (as he admits is his style) to see what others have to say about them; but they haven’t been getting as much feedback as I reckon they deserve. Or maybe they are and he’s deleting it. Or maybe everyone else agrees with him. I don’t always, but I can’t think of a time when I feel I’ve wasted my time reading what he has to say. His being thoughtful is useful. Doing his day-job, Paulie talks to people who actually have some power and I’d rather they listened to him than rather-less-thoughtful people, like many professional lobbyists for example.

To give you some idea of how long I’ve been planning to point you his way, most of the following links are from May. I enjoyed reading his “case for a public service movment“, this one poking a stick into questions of data privacy, and this and this asking what value MPs attach to their current jobs.

More recently, other bloggers have been linking to Paulie because he wrote this, from which I excerpt the following [Paulie's emphases]:

The ‘everyone agrees with me‘ fallacy is—I suspect—one of the biggest causes of disillusionment with government by the elected, and the perceived disconnection between politics and the general public. The recurring question is often ‘why can’t they do what we want them to do?‘ Sadly, the answer is that they often try to do exactly that—and they really shouldn’t be doing so in the first place.

While I’m at it, Tom Freeman makes a good point well here. Admittedly, Tories complaining about the social divide between neighbours in Westminster is something of an open goal for anyone with a memory that extends back further than fifteen minutes, but have you ever tried putting a penalty kick away?

Brighton Carnival 2008

A fortnight ago, I shot the Brighton School of Samba at Brighton’s Second revived carnival. Congratulations to them. They went on to win the prize for best band.

percussion and dance
a fist and a laugh
a father and child watch the carnival
Brighton School of Samba dances in the street
a daughter and her mother watch the performers gather
samba dancers with their arms outstretched

Eternal Prurience Is The Price Of Liberty

Woman E, demonstrating again the superiority of film over digital portraiture

Woman E, demonstrating again the superiority of film over digital portraiture

From the BBC News Website:

World motorsport boss Max Mosley has won a legal action against a Sunday newspaper over claims an orgy he took part in had Nazi overtones.

The High Court ruled the News of the World did breach Mr Mosley’s privacy, awarding him £60,000 in damages.

I realise that the two cases aren’t legally equivalent—Mosley didn’t start an action for libel, even though the News Of The World lied about him—but there’s something grimly ironic about Mosley winning only three times as much for being wrongly accused of having Nazi tendencies than another businessman received in damages in the same week for being falsely portrayed as a gay Jew:

A businessman has won £22,000 libel damages from a school friend who made false accusations against him by creating a fake profile on Facebook, the social networking website.

The profile was on the site for 16 days until Mr Firsht’s brother spotted it and it was taken down by Facebook.

He was listed as “Looking for: whatever I can get” in terms of relationships. The creator of the bogus site also signed him up to to groups including “Gay in the Wood…Borehamwood” and “Gay Jews in London”.

Of course, in the wake of the Mosley judgement, the new libertarians are out in unselfconscious force. The editor of The News of the World himself, Colin Myler—editor of The Sunday Mirror when its reporting on Leeds footballers Lee Bowyer and Jonathan Woodgate resulted in the collapse of their trial for assaultdeclared: “our press is less free today after another judgment based on privacy laws emanating from Europe”. The Sun says: it’s “a dark day for British freedom”. The Daily Mail calls the law “palpably asinine” (at the same time as giving us a drive-by valuation of the judge David Eady’s house). Under the headline “Max Mosley verdict will stifle journalism”, Joshua Rozenburg in the Telegraph writes:

[T]he judgment is bound to have a chilling effect on investigative journalism. Newspapers will think twice before intruding on people’s privacy.

Oh woe! There was here a freedom.

“Little people who look strange to us”

FORMER NASA astronaut and moon-walker Dr Edgar Mitchell—a veteran of the Apollo 14 mission—has stunningly claimed aliens exist.
And he says extra-terrestrials have visited Earth on several occasions—but the alien contact has been repeatedly covered up by governments for six decades.
Dr Mitchell, 77, said during a radio interview that sources at the space agency who had had contact with aliens described the beings as ‘little people who look strange to us.’

This is obviously a cunning ploy on Mitchell’s part to distract the citizens of Earth from his fake moon landing.

Nokia 6300 Review

I had to replace my mobile phone recently, so I deliberately downgraded. After perfunctory Internet research, I got a Nokia 6300. If you are not one of the Young People and you use your phone for business then it is a most excellent tool. If you want to blog or surf the Net from your phone or deafen people on public transport with your MP3 collection, then look elsewhere.

If it were a person, the 6300 would be a man in a suit called Colin. He would wear Clarks shoes and have a small pot of sharpened 1B pencils on his desk and drive a diesel hatchback bought with a two-year warranty from Network Q. He would use it to commute to work in Milton Keynes with David Gray on the stereo. You wouldn’t ask him to help you to write an anniversary love poem for your wife, but you’d trust him to check your tax return.

The 6300 calmly sucked up most [smaller memory] of the data I had backed-up from my old Nokia to my PC via a standard mini USB connector (not supplied) without my having to download any new software or drivers. Then, when it had finished, it filed all my contacts in alphabetical order by surname, just like Colin would have.

The phone is small, but easy for even a six-foot male to use. Its operating system is stable. Its display is excellent. On the downside, the rocker control is a bit fiddly and the battery life could be better.

Nobody paid me to write this, but, following the popularity of my previous Nokia post, I thought some more random visitors might be interested. I’ll make the same recommendation now that I made then: use the CD that came with your phone as a coaster or part of a wind chime1 and download any software you need direct from the Nokia site, paying attention to the small print there and warnings from discussion forums everywhere else.

  1. No. Don’t. Wind chimes are vile. []

Living In A Box

You don’t have to be a restaurant boss to be shocked by the size of this packaging.

Master Of Science

A campaigner against Heathrow Airport’s third runway has attempted to glue himself to Gordon Brown at a Downing Street reception.

Dan Glass, a member of Plane Stupid, was about to receive an award from the prime minister when he stuck out his superglued hand and touched his sleeve.

Plane Stupid says Mr Glass, from north London, then “glued his hand” to Mr Brown’s jacket as he shook his hand.

But Downing Street said there had been “no stickiness of any significance”.

I’m not going to link to Indymedia, but, according to them, Glass’s MSc thesis in “Human Ecology and Climate Change” at Strathclyde University is about “the impacts of airport expansion on community cohesion”, which is science in the same way my painting my face with woad and gurning at sheep would be science. Glass’s lacking any rigorous training might have had something to do with his failure to choose the right adhesive for the job or, indeed, bring enough of it along with him:

Speaking afterwards, Mr Glass said: “My left hand was covered in superglue and I stuck it to his sleeve.

“I just glued myself to him and after 20 seconds he tore my hand off - it really hurt. He had to give it a couple of tugs before it came away.

“He was just grinning about it. He didn’t seem to take me seriously.”

After the incident Mr Glass was allowed to stay in Downing Street for 40 minutes.

When he left the building he tried to glue himself to the gates of Downing Street but had his hand detached by a police officer.

“I didn’t have much glue left by that point,” he said.

Mr Glass was invited to Downing Street to receive an award from the Sheila McKechnie Foundation for his protesting work with Plane Stupid.

Glass might have been a security risk, but I think detaching his hand was a bit harsh.

Job Creation Scheme

Surely Margaret Thatcher doesn’t want a state funeral? I mean, that would require the government to pay people to dig a hole and fill it up again.