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Celebrities

A Femi-narcissist reader

Do read my previous post first! And I should credit “Ban This Filth!” for the caption to the Laurie Penny tweet. In addition to the Dan Hodges blogpost that I linked to at the end of that one, here are some other relevants articles worth reading that I couldn’t shoehorn in. Here’s Mrs Trellis, writing a Dear Joan letter to feminism to explain why she’s […]

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Bieber-eautiful

16-year-old Justin Bieber is the pop new sensation with pre-teens. [High Court Judge] I have yet to have the pleasure of hearing one of his musical performances [/High Court Judge], but I have heard this: J. BIEBZ – U SMILE 800% SLOWER by Shamantis which is one of his recordings slowed down 800% and pitch-shifted […]

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Moral Philosophers Of Our Time

Charles Alexander: The former partner of killer gunman Raoul Moat was yesterday blamed for the death of an innocent man and the maiming of a police officer. The deranged bodybuilder’s uncle Charles Alexander claims Samantha Stobbart also has the blood of her ex-lover on her hands. The 72-year-old former soldier launched a astonishing tirade of […]

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Bigger Than The Beatles

Lord Macca of Loch Kodak on his appearance on The X-Factor: [Sir Paul McCartney] said he got some great reaction from people about his performance on the X Factor. “We got great feedback on the streets the next day. It’s my claim to fame now.”

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Modern Masters

Further to my rant about clueless DJs replacing proper producers, here are a couple of funny little animations about the horrors of being a mastering engineer to today’s “talent”: Mastering: The Movie Part One and Part Two. And, from an interview this month’s Sound on Sound magazine, here’s Bruce Swedien, studio engineer for Michael Jackson’s Off The Wall and Thriller albums, […]

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Evans, Dear Boy, Evans

Via Paulie’s “Shared Items” feed at Never Trust a Hippy, I read on the Democratic Society Blog one of the best “Did Magna Carta die in vain?” comments ever [see foot of the post I link to] and, on Tory Troll, an account of yet another FAIL by frontline interviewers. Here’s a tip for the […]

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Tough Audience

On being shown Michael Jackson moonwalking to Billie Jean, a friend’s seven-year-old son shrugged his shoulders and commented, unimpressed: “Ahh… He’s got wheels in his shoes.” [Anecdote and title stolen wholesale from JL.]

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Noblesse blancmange

For some lucky and rich people who describe themselves as Left-wing, one of the worst things about free markets is that they have given the oiks the freedom to enjoy the pleasures that were previously restricted to their betters. A real “socialist” state would provide the lower orders with more suitable goods: perhaps they would […]

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Skinning The Dude

Jeff Bridges really did have all of his hair shaved off to appear in Iron Man. You can see photos of the process in this album on his Website [slow-downloading images; no thumbnails]. Imagine being responsible for removing Jeff Bridges’ hair. That’s iconic hair. It’s up there with Phil Spector’s, Jennifer Anniston‘s, Ruud Gullit’s, Amy […]

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Those Beige Headlines In Full

TIGER WOODS WINS 2008 US OPEN DESPITE KNEE INJURY CAUSED BY ILLEGAL KARATE ATTACK FROM EVIL MAFIA GOLFER ROCCO MEDIATE. OBTAINS CRUCIAL PAR SCORE ON SUDDEN-DEATH HOLE USING “CRANE KICK” BEFORE COLLAPSING ON THE FINAL GREEN IN AGONY, MUTTERING “I DID IT FOR YOU, ELIN!” LEWIS HAMILTON CLINCHES WORLD F1 DRIVERS’ CHAMPIONSHIP IN HIS MCLAREN, […]

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Top Brand

Further to my last post about this, Russell Brand makes a proper apology to camera here. I can think of several politicians (amongst others) who could learn from it. He doesn’t mess about with words like “inappropriate”, which these days is used to describe everything from ironically referencing a passage in the Koran to trying […]

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Aural Sachs

Andrew Sachs has just been on BBC Radio 4, walking around London Zoo with Tim Samuels and reminiscing about how he used to sneak in there during World War II. Sachs was born to a Jewish family in Berlin in 1930. He and they fled Germany in 1938. He witnessed Kristallnacht—“Goodness, those Stormtroopers are going to get into trouble […]

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Chuck Off

Writing on his blog today, Damian Counsell, who, if he hadn’t been baptised a Catholic, would be 37 234 933rd in line to the thrones of the Commonwealth realms, warned of the dangers to the planet of Genetically Unmodified heads of state. He pointed out that inbred dynasties are susceptible to hereditary disorders like haemophilia and verbal […]

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Disturbing Search Of The Moment

I’m kind of afraid to ask why people have been arriving at PooterGeek over the past couple of days as a result of googling for “John Kettley” and “hedgehog”. I realise my publishing this post will now make things worse. Perhaps I should add the phrase “Richard Gere” as well.

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Lewis Cannoned

From The Daily Telegraph: Less than 24 hours after both men responded to sleaze allegations against Mr Lewis by insisting he had done nothing to compromise his role as a magistrate, it emerged that there was no record of the deputy mayor ever serving as a justice of the peace. A spokesman for the Ministry […]

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The Trials Of Being A Covers Band

Masters of the live hip-hop mash-up, The Roots, displayed their usual relaxed attitude when asked to comment on events at their first headlining show at Glastonbury this week. Early on in their performance, a member of the audience managed to get up on stage and gained control of a working microphone, through which he continued […]

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Raffish

Look at Anne Hathaway’s ex-boyfriend Raffaelo Follieri’s hairdo and blue-jeans-and-blazer combo and tell me you’re surprised he is being questioned about an alleged large-scale credit card fraud. I bet she’s wishing she’d returned my calls now.

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Satire Again Trumped By Reality

I had drafted a PooterGeek post of semi-exaggerated biographies of the actual candidates for the upcoming Haltemprice and Magnercarter by-election, but it all seems so feeble now that David Icke is in the running. Yes, Britain’s leading conspiracy theorist and retired messiah says he’s going to join the circus. By the way, I think it […]

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Trouble At T’ Degree Mill

Another “shocking state of our universities today” story has appeared on the BBC news Website. A report from the Quality Assurance Agency says the degree classification system is broken. I smiled when I read this bit: The reports from the QAA raise some worries about the effectiveness of the external examiner system, in which examiners […]

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Bag Lady Collects Spare Change

It’s not just in the real world that inflation is a problem for those responsible for monetary policy. Right now, the virtual world of World of Warcraft needs to deal with an acute growth in money supply. Its administrators have decided to do so by conjuring many imaginary objects of enormous utility from nothing, giving […]

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Slapped

The top of the BBC News page about a possible new cure for baldness carries an image of an anonymous baldie: The bottom of the same page has images of Nick Robinson and Terry Wogan: Yesterday, as I was running to the gym past a bunch of army cadets waiting outside a local youth centre, […]

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Falling Down

There is an upside to my not being a drop-dead gorgeous superstar: whenever I’m working with a bunch of stubbly musicians and my singing’s not up to scratch, they tell me, bluntly. I got my first paid residency after helping a pianist move a piano to a restaurant. He asked me to take over from […]

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Bear With A Big Head

KNUT the polar bear has turned from a cuddly cub into a publicity-addicted psycho, one of his keepers has claimed. Markus Roebke said Berlin Zoo’s celebrity animal was obsessed with the limelight and howled with rage when denied an audience. “Knut must go and the sooner the better,” he said, insisting that the bear should […]

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Future News: Headlines Of 2108

NASA ASTRONAUTS ARRIVE ON CENTAURI IV AND ENCOUNTER POPULATION OF HUMANOIDS SO PRIMITIVE THAT THEY STILL HAVE FACEBOOK ACCOUNTS. PANEL OF HISTORIANS VOTES ON MOST HATED FIGURES OF 21ST CENTURY. SADDAM HUSSEIN, CLONED HITLER, HEATHER MILLS-MCCARTNEY TOP POLL. HUMPHREY LYTTELTON FORCED TO STAND DOWN AS PRESENTER OF I’M SORRY I HAVEN’T A CLUE AFTER EXPOSURE […]

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Clarification

Given the trouble a certain blogger found himself in for announcing Margaret Thatcher’s death prematurely, I should point out that I wrote my previous post about her before the ex-PM’s hospitalization hit the headlines. Regulars know I’m not a fan of hers, but I don’t wish her dead and I’m not going to take any […]

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My Celebrity Stalkers

On Saturday, I was one of two customers in a tiny local deli until Nick Cave walked in, dressed head-to-toe in black and accompanied by his children in white judo outfits. I toyed with the idea of getting His Caveness to sign my olives, but that would have taken the weirdness one step too far. […]

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