This quote from Zadie Smith, is cited by Celia Walden in The Daily Telegraph as further evidence of the young (and annoyingly successful) author’s being “cantankerous”: “In a lot of chick lit, depicting women slightly older than me, the sexual maturity is that of a nine-year-old. The sex is just this giggly and ridiculous activity […]
Read MoreIf you want to comment on this post you must provide the name of one person you fancy but wish you didn’t and one person who other people fancy, but you can’t understand why. My pair (in translucent tops and in that order) are Trinny Woodall: and Colin Firth: Any pertinent bitching is also welcome.
Read MoreThis lunchtime, Borders bookshop/café/newsagents: having picked up a couple of special offer items, I’m on my way out into the street when I notice the two Georges—“Gorgeous” Galloway and “Moonbat” Monbiot that is—at 20 percent off. As always I have my long-suffering Minolta with me, so I get it out of my rucksack and uncap […]
Read MoreMy mother always taught me that reading books would help me to get on in life*. You only have to look at my dazzling career to see how right she was. (Funnily enough, people in my old job looked at me like I was stupid because I refused to cite a source without actually plodding […]
Read MoreBritney’s first-born could be called “London Preston”, but will be known as “M6” to all his friends. [I love that Wikipedia has a page devoted to the M6. Wikimedia: harnessing the power of Asperger’s syndrome since 2000 AD. Did you know that the entry about Coronation Street used to be twice as long as the […]
Read MoreThis International Herald Tribune article is built around its author’s belief that award-winning British star of stage and screen Ralph Fiennes is incapable of playing an ordinary fella. Outrageous! Early on, as a struggling young actor, Fiennes actually started to make his first serious money playing “Third Bloke” in a series of successful 80s lager […]
Read MoreAYATOLLAH KHAMENEI is man-handled into his office. Waiting for him are four associates, standing: CONDOLEEZZA, RUMSFELD (an old Wise-guy), VICE-PRESIDENT SCHWARZENEGGER, and BRITISH PRIME MINISTER BOB HOSKINS (a fireplug pitbull type). PRESIDENT WALKEN sits in KHAMENEI’s recliner KHAMENEI is knocked to his knees. He looks up to see a smiling WALKEN. They pick him up […]
Read MoreJames Delingpole has also noticed James Blunt’s pedigree and the resulting article is very entertaining indeed. Another explanation is that dreamy, floppy, public schoolboy music – “bedwetter music” as Creation Records’ founder Alan McGee once cruelly put it – is very much in vogue at the moment, and has been for quite some time. It […]
Read MoreThank you for your superb contributions to the Bad Poetry Celebrity Deathmatch, both here and at Harry’s Place. Backword Dave suggested that we were questioning the artistry of the inspirational work of Harold Pinter and Michael Rosen because we disagreed with the poets’ politics. I don’t read his ‘Blog much any more, and when I […]
Read MoreYou thought Harry “Haystacks” Pinter was unbeatable, but now, ladies and gentlemen, I give you Michael “The Bomber” Rosen. [via Voslunga] UPDATE: I thought I’d have a go myself. (Anyone is welcome to join in in the comments.) War is bad When Americans do it. Blowing up civilians is understandable As long as you’re really, […]
Read MoreI noticed this story a little while back and it made me smile. It’s like John Major sacking one of his cabinet members for screwing around (or the Independent having a go at the Guardian for printing the views of an extremist): Oasis fire Pete Doherty for lack of work ethic. Those “working class” Gallagher […]
Read MoreThe breadth and depth of Noam Chomsky’s wrongness must be marvelled at. Within and without his professed area of expertise he is so skilled a sponsor of untruth that, in some future world, whole virtual shelves will be devoted to studies of how it happened that so many of his peers were willing to stir […]
Read MoreI’m not going to go into the political or ethical implications of Live8 here and now (though the sozzled socialist Psittacidae are worth reading on the subject). I am going to talk about the artistic ones, because the event illustrated beautifully the central problem with the UK music industry. I don’t like Pink Floyd very […]
Read MoreIn a development unprecedented in the history of the unholy media, Pope Polly Filler XIV begins the Dianafication of Kylie Minogue within 24 hours of her diagnosis of breast cancer being announced: THE GIRL WHO FELL TO EARTH She seemed almost flawless, an otherworldly embodiment of physical perfection. But now, like thousands of ordinary women […]
Read More“Any random group of thirty Vietnamese women will contain a dozen who make Julia Roberts look like Lyle Lovett.” P. J. O’Rourke (1994), All The Trouble In The World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty I’ve written here before that I believe humans are naturally disposed to discriminate […]
Read MoreDear Mr Hussein I am Barrister Ife Giza. I represent “Gorgeous” George Galloway, the recently deceased rightful ruler of the People’s Republic of Bethnal Green. I write to you in good faith based on information he gave to me in person during a meeting with him in his office in the Houses of Parliament before […]
Read MoreHow could The Economist have missed this? [Safe for work, but possibly not safe for lunchtime.]
Read MoreGeorge Bush beats Britney Spears; Martin Luther beats George Washington; Tony Blair beats Michael Jackson beats Jesus Christ; Bill Clinton beats Saddam Hussein; Osama Bin Laden beats Kofi Annan; Bob Dylan beats Donald Rumsfeld; Angelina Jolie beats Arnold Schwarzenegger. But tough luck to Madonna, Seal, Bono, and Sting. If you’re so famous you have one […]
Read MoreFurther to my discovering that the last Pope was Jewish, were you aware that Wikipedia helpfully furnishes its users with both a list of partial Jews and a list of Jewish superheroes? Bill and Hillary, David Beckham, Elvis, Muriel Gray, The Thing, we hardly knew you. Jewish sportstar (allegedly)
Read MoreYou can thank Judith for this shocking example of US cultural insensitivity: “the almost unthinkable personification of everything the people we’re fighting hate: hot blond Christian white girls, not too smart and seductively dressed, ready to dispense justice and the American spirit while leading a sexy attack, thus confusing the enemy into masturbating instead of […]
Read MoreJeremy from Who Knew? emailed me with a Che-Guevarication of my younger self the other day. In return I shared with him one of the best subverted Ches I have seen recently, the Che-rie Blair, available to buy on a T-shirt from the Football365 shop.
Read MoreJust over a week ago, I pointed out (again) that, amongst others, Bob Dylan was overrated. My observation provoked this response from a Professor Geras of Manchester, a long-time admirer of the recordings of Mr Dylan: Sock it to ’em, Damian. Next it’ll be that Bradman, Sobers and Warne are overrated as cricketers and J.S. […]
Read MoreThe Economist‘s bold, white-on-red poster campaign has run for years. It started, if I remember rightly, by playing on readers’ insecurity—its message was that digesting The Economist was the best way to avoid dinner party embarrassment—a subscription would ensure that you were always informed of Important Matters. Currently their approach must be based on flattery. […]
Read MoreTwistblog makes an interesting observation about the location of Kilroy’s secret headquarters.
Read MoreSince I wrote this post, mithering on about how unattractive I find Kylie Minogue, even when writhing around sweatily on an electric horse dressed in her skimpies, and how this saucy schtick of hers was going to become more embarrassing with her advancing years, there has been a couple of interesting developments. Firstly, one of […]
Read MoreHere’s a couple from booklover Judith. Firstly, the first line of Amazon’s first editorial review of Robert Crais’s thriller Hostage: “Robert Crais is the real thing: a writer who keeps topping himself…” Secondly, she’s found a celebrity chef who just might displace Nigella in my dreams.
Read MoreThe Anonymous Economist lent me a copy of the most recent album from Anastacia (or Shouty Woman, as my officemate Jo calls her). The main producer credited is Glen Ballard. Having listened to the tracks [if I still had dreadlocks they would have trailed back from my head horizontally while I sat in front of […]
Read MoreJudith and Leasey, connoisseurs of celebrity fashion disasters both, should enjoy the merciless Go Fug Yourself, online home of all that is fugly. (Occasionally even GFY has to give credit where it’s due, though.) [UPDATE: GFY brings us a close-up of Kylie Minogue’s lips: I rest my case.]
Read MoreKylie Minogue appeals to me sexually like a bath of cold baked beans. No, I’m not into splosh. In her infamous cinema ad for Agent Provocateur underwear she undulates in said lingerie on the back of a bucking electric horse. The punchline is something about how the men in the audience should be too aroused […]
Read More“Good Scottish Pop / Bad Scottish Pop” has it about right, pointing up the unrecognized greatness of Del Amitri and the inexplicably ignored uselessness of Belle and Sebastian. Despite some dithering about the exact status of Simple Minds, only one artiste makes into both the Good and Bad categories: Laird Rodney of the Clan Stewart. […]
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