Do you think couturiers these days carefully measure up the rich and/or famous and then offer them a choice between a garment that, when first worn, will fit perfectly and one that will fall off in a precisely calibrated way in public? [Thank you to my beautiful assistant, Leasey, for this one.]
Read MoreI realise a gym in Brighton is probably not the kind of place where you would expect to find, say, The Playboy Channel showing on the TV screens, but yesterday while I was working out the video to the latest Will Young single was on. It’s a Top Gun pastiche that opens with a great […]
Read MoreI think I may be in lust with the non-blonde two of Marks & Spencer’s new womenswear models: Erin O’Connor and Noemie Lenoir. (You’ve got to wonder, though, about about a woman (Erin) who was dumped by Jamie Theakston, rather than dumping him herself.)
Read MoreNormal service will be resumed in a few days. Here’s a joke adapted from the Motley Fool. Talk amongst yourselves. A cabbie in London picks up a leggy nun. The cab driver can’t stop staring in the mirror. He says, “I have a question to ask, but I dont want to offend you”. “My son, […]
Read MoreVia Happy As Kings, this collection of double-bed strife could be described as the Not-Calmer Sutra.
Read MoreOn Thursday, as I drove from my appointment at the dole office JobCentrePlus, Cambridge looked beautiful enough to break your heart. Compared to Oxford, you don’t see people in gowns much here, but I passed a line of them walking very decoratively along The Backs that afternoon. The sun was shining low—through trees that hadn’t […]
Read MoreThis quote from Zadie Smith, is cited by Celia Walden in The Daily Telegraph as further evidence of the young (and annoyingly successful) author’s being “cantankerous”: “In a lot of chick lit, depicting women slightly older than me, the sexual maturity is that of a nine-year-old. The sex is just this giggly and ridiculous activity […]
Read More[Before you read the article I link to below, those of you not up with geeky three letter acronyms need to know that “IRC” stands for “Internet Relay Chat”, which is like Microsoft Messenger for the sort of people who build their own PCs.] Related to the “people you wish you didn’t fancy” thread (which […]
Read MoreLate this morning: I’m out for a run when I overtake Leasey and companion as they stroll past one of the haunts of Cambridge’s surreal inner-city cow population. I pause long enough in my exertions for Leasey to give me a hug and tell me that she needs to take me shopping for some new […]
Read MoreIf you want to comment on this post you must provide the name of one person you fancy but wish you didn’t and one person who other people fancy, but you can’t understand why. My pair (in translucent tops and in that order) are Trinny Woodall: and Colin Firth: Any pertinent bitching is also welcome.
Read MoreSorry about the thin posting at PooterGeek lately. The crossed keyboards and trousers rampant are flying again over PooterGeek Towers because I am now back in residence, having spent a few days scouting around Brighton for a new place to live, meeting up with collaborators on my next big thing, music making, and generally socialising […]
Read MoreI am told by PooterGeekers, including the currently-one-armed Hot Wheels Helena, that they come here by typing “poo” into their Web browsers and letting auto-complete do the rest. Be careful that the rest of the URL is filled in before you hit “Return” or, like Hot Wheels, you are likely to find yourself at the […]
Read MoreTwo men dumb enough to think it makes them smarter: “Academics in the UK claim their research shows that men are more intelligent than women. A study to be published later this year in the British Journal of Psychology says that men are on average five points ahead on IQ tests. Paul Irwing and Professor […]
Read MoreJane Little of the BBC reports somewhat mischievously from Pope Benedict XVI’s visit to World Youth Day in Cologne, Germany. She describes the event as “a huge Catholic Woodstock”. This snippet is particularly naughty: “Tobias Raschke, a curly-haired, fresh-faced 26-year-old was handing out postcards in support of condoms. ‘The Pope does not get it,’ he […]
Read MoreWhen I was in my mid teens, one of my sister’s (underage) friends snuck into my bedroom and saw me jerking off. Years later, when visiting from Oxford, I was approached in the street by two girls I didn’t recognize. They asked me if I was The One Who Masturbated. Yes, PooterGeekers, I am possibly […]
Read MoreThere’s a lost-innocence-of-our-children panic piece in the G2 section of yesterday’s Guardian. Rachel Bell asks “what’s going on?” that Playboy-branded stationery and other accessories are number one with little schoolgirls in Britain. The right sort of people are quoted telling us what to think, alongside someone from commerce telling us that the people he represents […]
Read Morecasualsavant sent me this amusing example of shonky pirate DVD translation, which you might have already seen. The same ‘Blog also reproduces this sign from a Mexican restaurant in China, which you might not have: “Zapata’s Mexican Cantina does not sponsor prostitutes at our establishment. If you are a prostitute please refrain from entering our […]
Read MoreSomeone visited PooterGeek today having been referred here by a search [link not safe for work] on “yacht insurance dot uk dot com” for “spanking boys”.
Read MoreVia Beth at Mindfull Chatter [sic] I came upon this amazing piece of computer animation. The best version of the 30-second film is the DivX format file [about 8 meg], so Windows users who don’t have it already should download the DivX codec if they want to enjoy the video it at its highest quality. […]
Read MoreFrom BBC Sport: Cuban legend Kindelan had beaten Khan in the lightweight final in Athens, but he had no answer to the Briton in front of a passionate Bolton crowd. After a cagey opening, Khan exploded on to the offensive and showed brilliant hand speed to prevail 19-13 on points. … “I managed alright,” said […]
Read MoreIf you want him to marry you before you have children and he won’t do it, bin him. If you don’t want to have children and she won’t take contraception seriously, bin her. An affair may be entered into lightly; parenthood should not. Whatever the tabloid arithmetic of relationships claims, there are some things more […]
Read MoreHi, Olivia. It’s Damian here. Er, I was wondering if you might be free for lunch on Thursday. We could, um, discuss… “…Sex”? It’s always the same with you professional bachelors, isn’t it? “There’s no ‘I’ in “commitment”—that’s your motto. You think you can breeze in with a pack-of-three and breeze out with bloody fibres […]
Read MoreSince I wrote this post, mithering on about how unattractive I find Kylie Minogue, even when writhing around sweatily on an electric horse dressed in her skimpies, and how this saucy schtick of hers was going to become more embarrassing with her advancing years, there has been a couple of interesting developments. Firstly, one of […]
Read MoreIs it a conclave of cardinals or a cover-up of cardinals? Let’s ask Cormac.
Read MoreYou might have noticed that I never write about my own love life here. This is mainly because I don’t have a love life, but neither do I mention foolishly inattentive members of the opposite sex who have accidentally allowed me into their company in the past. Cryptic and multiply-distorted versions of other people’s affairs […]
Read MoreThese remixed romance novel covers are painfully funny. Admittedly the raw material was probably hilarious already—just not on purpose. [I don’t read Instapundit any more, so I refuse to be embarrassed that he picked this up a week ago.]
Read MoreKylie Minogue appeals to me sexually like a bath of cold baked beans. No, I’m not into splosh. In her infamous cinema ad for Agent Provocateur underwear she undulates in said lingerie on the back of a bucking electric horse. The punchline is something about how the men in the audience should be too aroused […]
Read More“Good Scottish Pop / Bad Scottish Pop” has it about right, pointing up the unrecognized greatness of Del Amitri and the inexplicably ignored uselessness of Belle and Sebastian. Despite some dithering about the exact status of Simple Minds, only one artiste makes into both the Good and Bad categories: Laird Rodney of the Clan Stewart. […]
Read MoreDespite years of renting I have never encountered one of those “NO DOGS, NO BLACKS, NO IRISH” signs that used to pock the British landscape. Everyone who knows me will, however, have heard my Mrs Turpey story. They can skip everything up to the last paragraph. I was working for the university in Oxford in […]
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