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Crime

Mad Mullahs Judge Defendant Mad

“Well, Abdul, we were going to kill you because you changed sky-fairy in mid flight, The US and three Nato allies have expressed concern over reports that a Muslim convert to Christianity could face the death penalty in Afghanistan. Abdul Rahman is charged with rejecting Islam and could be executed under Sharia law unless he […]

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The Da Vinci Lode

It takes nerve to claim in public you originally extruded the pseudohistorical baloney that was the meat in one of the worst-written bestsellers of all time, but if Michael Baigent and Richard Leigh win their case against Dan Brown it could be the beginning of a long haul. On the “3 for the price of […]

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Comic Booked

Yes, even Hello! magazine would have difficulty finding his good side, but you have got to admire the Beeb’s front-page photo of Abu Hamza: This time you may have triumphed, Captain Britain, but I shall RETURN! Muaha-ha ha-ha ha HA HA HA!

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Topical Joke

Late one evening a burglar breaks into what he thinks is an empty house. As he cracks the safe in the main living room and reaches in to grab the holidaying owners’ jewels, a voice speaks to him from the darkness: “Jesus is watching you.” He turns suddenly and shines his torch around, looking for […]

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Anti-Social Behaviour: Theory And Fieldwork

Yesterday I had an excellent evening of argument. I spent it contending that, since our emergence, we human beings have been, for plausible biological reasons, fundamentally aggressive and suspicious of visibly different members of our own species. In reply it was argued that our behaviour towards others has been characterised by altruistic tendencies and trade. […]

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Hip-hoprissy

Peace-loving, anti-gun, has-been “urban” popstress Ms Dynamite, who re-wrote George Michael’s “Faith” for the pre-Iraq War Brit Awards to include the declaration “I don’t want blood on my hands”, has been accused of having the blood of a female police officer on her hands.

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Stander Delivers

I was asked at a recent party of ‘Bloggers why I don’t write more about Africa and in an email this week by a South African correspondent if I would write something about apartheid. In both cases I pleaded the deadly combination of ignorance and emotion. I just couldn’t write well about a continent I […]

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I’m Condi. Fly Me.

Hi! Welcome to the CIA Airlines check-in desk. Could I ask you to itemize your hand luggage as you place it on the belt, sir? Er, one holdall of shoes, running gear, and toiletries; one suitcase of casual clothes; one suit carrier containing three identical black suits and ties with matching Ray-Bans; one attaché case […]

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Hard Cell

Hi. I’m Saddam Hussein. You might remember me from my worldwide hits Massacre At Halabja, Gulf War I, and Gulf War II. I’m here to tell you about custard, Bird’s™ Custard—The Choice of Despots™. [Raises pack to camera stiffly. Walks along featureless metal corridor towards prison kitchen, but slowly because his ankles are chained together.] […]

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Men United In Sentimental Bollocks

Yesterday in the Guardian Nicky Campbell joined the minority of press commentators who have mentioned recently deceased footballer George Best’s tendency to slap women around. He did so with a telling quote from one of Best’s exes: “I adored George, and do you know what? In almost two and half years together he only hit […]

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The True Story Of A Breach Of The Geneva Conventions

[Location: Fallujah, I-raq. Dateline: November 2004; well past your bedtime. US Rangers and special forces operatives advance on a complex of residential buildings believed to be crawling with the enemy. Watching one entrance through night vision goggles, Sergeant Steve “The Rock” Jenovich leads a half-dozen of his best men into what they believe will be […]

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The End Times

You might have guessed from the thinness of posting here that I am busy at the moment, but the Anonymous Economist recommends this (non-free) editorial from the New York Times. I extract the first five and last three paragraphs: IF you believed Tom DeLay then, you no doubt believe now that the deposed House majority […]

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Charmers And Chancers

Following on from the satisfyingly successful “Embarrassed And Mystified“, PooterGeek now invites you to come up with two more celebrities’ names. To comment on this thread you must cite someone in the public eye you consider to be talentless, crooked, annoying or otherwise undeserving of the admiration they get, but you can’t help liking; and […]

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You Can’t Get The Staff

On Thursday, as I drove from my appointment at the dole office JobCentrePlus, Cambridge looked beautiful enough to break your heart. Compared to Oxford, you don’t see people in gowns much here, but I passed a line of them walking very decoratively along The Backs that afternoon. The sun was shining low—through trees that hadn’t […]

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Toe Curling

How bad is Be Cool? The best thing about it is the performance by The Rock. And, according to the Internet Movie Database, what acting projects does he have lined up to follow this turkey? Instant Karma 2005 “A visual effects-laden comedy about a safecracker who dies and is reincarnated as a series of animals.” […]

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Nice Fisking, Shame About The Title

I think I’d have enjoyed this article rather more if it had been called “The Rhetoric of the Stupid“, rather than “The Rhetoric of the Left”, but you can’t have everything. No one who has any time for the views of a bunch of Jew-hating, wife-beating, Muslim-killing, gay-hanging, Koran-thumping mass-murderers is any kind of man […]

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Life And Death In Daily Mail World

Okay, so this post links to an article in the Telegraph, but work with me here. Celebrity newsreader and reality TV ballroom dancer Natasha Kaplinsky has had some difficulty selling her house. This fact opens a piece about other nice middle-class people [British definition] trying to flog their own or their parents’ respective gaffs in […]

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Clarifications

My last post was provoked by the continuing gloatiness of Australia’s cricket fans and it linked to a normblog post that looked suspiciously like an example of such behaviour. Truth was he was just being sarky so I’ve changed the link. My apologies to Norm, who isn’t a bad loser—though I very much hope that […]

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McSlaughter

Independently of Stephen Pollard’s comment, a friend of mine emailed me yesterday to draw my attention to the murder by another Al-Qaeda offshoot of the head of the Egyptian diplomatic mission in Iraq. The email implied that there was some connection between the branch of the global Al-Qaeda franchise killing over there and those busy […]

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A Black Day

Terrible things are happening in London right now. Having had one overseas phone call and one email already today, I find myself in the strange position of posting this to let people know that I am alive and well. Some other people in this country aren’t. Updates are here.

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Roadkill

I once put it to Norm jokingly that one reason he has the patience to pick through the foul-smelling giblets of articles like Madeleine Bunting’s in yesterday’s Guardian is that he has spent years marking terrible student essays. The truth is it’s because he is a top bloke. Rather him than me though.

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A Beautiful Moment

Fareena Alam, editor of British Muslim magazine Q-News is on Any Questions. I enjoyed a delicious frisson listening to the campaigner against racism and for the right of young women in the West to wear the hijab (er, even on passport photos) complain that young people wear hooded tops in order to commit crimes without […]

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My Old Man’s A Linguist

Keen Spanish speaker Brian emailed with a pretty direct translation of the dustbin message: “Bastard rubbish collector, put the rubbish into the (f*****g) lorry and work like some kind of whore’s life” …or similar. It could be Portuguese though. I don’t recognise a couple of the words. I’ll get working on it! He did (though […]

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